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So anyway,
Because what the Net really needs is another person sharing his uninformed views
We the Tweeple 9: "...Azerbaijan?" 
18th-May-2011 11:47 am
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Well I did warn you that this week my Twitter feed would be a lot busier than usual, with last Saturday's Eurovision Song Contest taking up a huge chunk of my timeline. The rest of the time I was preoccupied with an interview I had on Sunday, which I'm being deliberately vague about but you'll hear more about in the unlikely event¹ that I'm successful.

White people with dreadlocks: Please note, it never says "cool." It always says "wash me."
11:06 AM May 11th via txt

I'm sure it's largely @emslj and @3rdspearcarrier's fault that I'm *quite* so squee about my first Globe trip of the year.
11:37 AM May 12th via web

@3rdspearcarrier Hamlet; not seeing All's Well until late June. It's more the fact of where it is, you're such fanboy/girls it's infectious.
11:41 AM May 12th via web in reply to 3rdspearcarrier

@3rdspearcarrier I saw a Bad Quarto Hamlet last year so maybe I'll recognise some lines from that. Although I'm guessing they'll stick with
11:46 AM May 12th via web in reply to 3rdspearcarrier

@3rdspearcarrier ...the more familiar version of TBONTB, given that the Bad Quarto version is, basically, A Bit Shit.
11:47 AM May 12th via web in reply to 3rdspearcarrier

@3rdspearcarrier At the end of the day no two Hamlets use quite the same text, which is one of the things I love about it.
11:51 AM May 12th via web in reply to 3rdspearcarrier

Sleb Spot: Roger Allam in the Hamlet audience at the Globe.
10:30 PM May 12th via txt

Rapper Spot: Professor Green walking a dog, More London Place.
7:09 PM May 13th via txt

As if that episode wasn't exciting enough, it turns out the TARDIS is also the Mona Lisa #DoctorWho #SJA
7:36 PM May 14th via web

"You were the friendliest Vikings of all time." So nobody got raped. Nice compliment. #Eurovision
8:02 PM May 14th via web

Sorry, I had to pop to the loo. Has anyone mentioned the War yet? #Eurovision
8:06 PM May 14th via web

I hope there aren't any epileptics watching. #Eurovision
8:09 PM May 14th via web

"We've just given up and admitted people vote for their neighbours so we're opening the vote before you hear the songs." #Eurovision
8:13 PM May 14th via web

Isn't Tintin Belgian? What's he doing representing Finland? #Eurovision
8:15 PM May 14th via web

Mr Herbert from Family Guy isn't enjoying Bosnia as much as Finland. #Eurovision
8:19 PM May 14th via web

Graham Norton basically saying he *would* Denmark. Well, actually... #Eurovision
8:23 PM May 14th via web

"Come on boys, come on girls" and then something about a pearl necklace. FILTH. #Eurovision
8:24 PM May 14th via web

"This comes from the musical theatre tradition." As if that didn't apply to every act. And every viewer. #Eurovision
8:26 PM May 14th via web

That montage of German food didn't include currywurst flavour crisps, therefore it can't have been real #Eurovision #apprentice
8:30 PM May 14th via web

"What about my dream?" It was the nightmare where she appeared on live telly in half a dress. #Eurovision
8:34 PM May 14th via web

Rhyming "impossible" with "possible." This is the kind of lyrical genius I'm here for. #Eurovision
8:40 PM May 14th via web

Surely I've seen Mr Sweden in certain unholy corners of the Internet. Yeah, I remember him opening his mouth wide then too. #Eurovision
8:41 PM May 14th via web

Christ, Rachel Berry wants to sing the lead vocal on *everything*! #Eurovision
8:43 PM May 14th via web

Oh Greece, ripping your jacket open is pointless if you're wearing a shirt underneath it. Did Sakis Rouvas teach you nothing? #Eurovision
8:49 PM May 14th via web

Did Russia just say "do you feel my armpit Europe?" #Eurovision
8:51 PM May 14th via web

As if George Michael didn't have enough problems already, some Russian bloke's nicking his old outfits. #Eurovision
8:52 PM May 14th via web

When are Torvill and Dean going to skate on? #Eurovision
8:55 PM May 14th via web

"I Can." As long as the rest of the sentence isn't "hit the right note," obviously. #Eurovision
9:10 PM May 14th via web

"I think they'll have enjoyed that so much." Well someone had to. #Eurovision
9:11 PM May 14th via web

"They're such nice boys. They knock women up and dump them, piss on cash machines, all the classy stuff." #Eurovision
9:12 PM May 14th via web

Oi, Moldova, the Pet Shop Boys want their hats back. #Eurovision
9:13 PM May 14th via web

I bet those viewers in Australia are glad they stayed up. #Eurovision
9:14 PM May 14th via web

There's a disturbing amount of rapey songs tonight. #Eurovision
9:19 PM May 14th via web

Never mind the song, can we have the graffiti boy in the red shirt back please? #Eurovision
9:20 PM May 14th via web

Actually he's the bastard love child of Barrowman and Gareth Gates, isn't he? #Eurovision
9:23 PM May 14th via web

"There's nothing left for me to say." I bet that won't stop you though. #Eurovision
9:30 PM May 14th via web

Seriously, all tonight's songs are about running away, being taken abruptly etc. And coming on boys and girls. #Eurovision
9:31 PM May 14th via web

I have a sudden craving for Lilt. #Eurovision
9:42 PM May 14th via web

Is she singing about Kristallnacht? And in Germany at that? Tasteful. #Eurovision
9:47 PM May 14th via web

"Our final song tonight." You feel relieved then remember 328 countries get a vote. #Eurovision
9:54 PM May 14th via web

So that's what happened to Evanescence #Eurovision
9:55 PM May 14th via web

Sweden: "I wanna be popular." I'm willing to bet he's already quite popular on fmforums. #Eurovision
10:00 PM May 14th via web

"Eurovision's not just about the winning." Not for Blue, it isn't, anyway. #Eurovision
10:05 PM May 14th via web

Every time they recap Switzerland, I want to kill, all over again. #Eurovision
10:11 PM May 14th via web

"We're coming to the defining moment of the contest: TV presenters of various nationalities trying to buy more screentime." #Eurovision
10:24 PM May 14th via web

Blue: Big in Bulgaria. Sounds about right. #Eurovision
10:31 PM May 14th via web

"The show was really full of song." Well you'd hope. #Eurovision
10:32 PM May 14th via web

I see she's ready for bed, wearing her nightie to do the results. #Eurovision
10:44 PM May 14th via web

"YOU ARE HAVING GREAT TIME THERE!" If you say so, mistress! #Eurovision
10:46 PM May 14th via web

Stop voting for Greece, people, I'd feel very embarrassed if we did well with that song. #Eurovision
10:51 PM May 14th via web

Did they cut away from him just before he did a Nazi salute? #Eurovision
10:53 PM May 14th via web

I cannot remember the Azerbaijan song in the slightest. #Eurovision
11:11 PM May 14th via web

I thought she was having a bit of a funny turn there. #Eurovision
11:12 PM May 14th via web

Never mind Eric. I'm sure there's a Bel Ami contract with your name on it waiting to be signed. #Eurovision
11:23 PM May 14th via web

"Thank you God!" Bloody hell did he get a vote as well? I guess everyone else did. #Eurovision
11:24 PM May 14th via web

Oh right, it was this one. One of the rapey ones, no wonder it didn't stand out. #Eurovision
11:26 PM May 14th via web

Well, enough Eurovision, I'm going to look at this now. http://twitpic.com/4xpcgr
11:41 PM May 14th via Twitpic

@BeeLikeJ I misread that and thought you'd showered with Cliff Richard. Do you have any mind-bleach handy?
10:43 AM May 15th via web in reply to BeeLikeJ

My twitter feed this morning is like someone who got drunk the night before and woke up in bed with someone hideous. "...Azerbaijan?"
10:45 AM May 15th via web

Wish me luck Twitter, got my first interview in YEARS in 20 minutes. Am eerily calm.
4:11 PM May 15th via txt

Thanks everyone. No idea how that went but it was painless enough.
5:21 PM May 15th via txt

Wait, did Sam just get a storyline beyond "owns lips?" #glee
9:55 PM May 16th via web

I'm currently terrified of my inbox in case it contains a rejection email. Nothing so far.
11:36 AM May 17th via web

@OughtToBeClowns No idea. I mean as interviews go it was pleasant & they seemed nice but who knows what they really thought of me.
11:47 AM May 17th via web in reply to OughtToBeClowns

@OughtToBeClowns thanks; official line is 2-3 weeks, I take it they have more people to see.
11:59 AM May 17th via txt

Wow, the poster for The Village Bike looks *filthy*. I know it's deliberate but still, job done: http://tinyurl.com/66o9k9s
3:33 PM May 17th via web

¹that's not modesty, false or otherwise, just statistics - hundreds of applicants for a handful of places.
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