So anyway,

Theatre review: The Priory

2009-12-21T23:13:37Z

Tonight was my last theatre trip before Christmas, and I nearly missed it! Not long before I was due to leave it snowed heavily again and the traffic came to a halt. I spent half an hour at the bus stop waiting for a bus that everyone could see just at the traffic lights, but which just couldn't get past them because the cars in front were at a standstill. I couldn't even get through to London Travel Information so had no idea if the Tube would be OK once I finally got to the station. Luckily it was, and I'd given myself so much extra time to get there that I arrived at the theatre with ten minutes to spare. Fortunately the show was worth the effort in the end.

Nothing to do with the famous rehab centre, Michael Wynne's The Priory is about Kate (Jessica Hynes) who's had a terrible year and has decided to bid it good riddance with a New Year's Eve party at a country house with all her oldest friends, including Carl, an ex-boyfriend she's been having an affair with. Unfortunately all her friends bring unexpected guests: Carl brings his wife Rebecca, Ben met Laura yesterday and they're already engaged, and Daniel is surprised when Adam, a younger man he's been chatting to online, turns up at the front door expecting sex. It's a good-looking cast that includes Joseph "Fit Dad" Millson as Daniel, Alastair Mackenzie as Ben and Nick Blood as Adam, any one of whom might have caught my eye if it weren't for the presence of Rupert Penry-Jones as Carl. It's a bit ironic that Mr Pendulum-Jones is playing an actor whose roles dried up once he lost his looks, since he's pushing forty but still looking as good as ever - there was actually one of those audible mutters of disagreement from the audience at the line about him losing his looks.

Totty aside it's very entertaining, and although the set looks like it would be ideal for a farce it's actually more the dialogue that gets huge laughs, and some excellent performances - apart from the people I already mentioned, Charlotte Riley is fantastic as the dippy Laura. Her insistence that Daniel must become her new GBFF is a good running gag. This being a Royal Court show it gets more serious in the second act, and some of the themes are a bit obvious, but overall it remains entertaining - in fact it's a long time since I've heard so many gasps of shock from an audience. The characters may not all be likeable but it's to Wynne's huge credit that they're so relatable as to get people reacting like that after two hours in their company. It's not the best show the Royal Court's had this year but to be fair it's up against some tough competition.

The Priory by Michael Wynne is booking until the 16th of January at the Royal Court Jerwood Theatre Downstairs.

Book review: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

2009-12-21T16:02:19Z

I'd heard a couple of people say how much they enjoyed Stieg Larsson's "Millennium" trilogy, so I decided to give the first book, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, a chance. Mikael, a recently-disgraced journalist is given a chance to get out of the spotlight for a while, by a billionaire industrialist who wants him to investigate a 40-year-old mystery: The disappearance of his niece, who the old man is convinced was murdered. Meanwhile the girl of the title, Lisbeth is a possibly autistic investigator with a gift for hacking (computers, not phlegm) who has been hired to investigate Mikael himself. The book throws in a lot of different elements, from thriller to old-fashioned detective story, and mixes them up in sometimes unusual ways. I don't know if it's an idiosyncracy of Swedish writing or this particular writer but the pacing is pretty interesting - Mikael and Lisbeth's eventual meeting comes out of the blue, and some of the major plot strands are resolved long before the end - and rather than make the story feel sloppy instead it makes it more unpredictable. I definitely enjoyed it, largely for having a unique feel to it, and will have to get the other two books in the series.

Theatre review: Legally Blonde

2009-12-20T19:47:39Z

It's a bit of a gamble taking someone to a new show as a Christmas present but fortunately Legally Blonde was a hit as far as my sister was concerned. Plugged as coming from the people behind Hairspray, that only refers to the design team as far as I can tell, but then I guess when the visuals are as important as they are to these two shows then fair enough. But it's pretty obvious the two don't share songwriters, as Laurence O'Keefe and Nell Benjamin's are lots of fun but not at all memorable - by the time I'd left the theatre I couldn't remember any of them.

Fortunately the show's energetic and ragingly camp enough that it doesn't mattter if you don't leave humming the tunes. The story doesn't differ much from the film, as far as I could tell only one major character has been ditched (the scary female lecturer) and it's well-cast. Sheridan Smith is the obvious choice to play Elle; I last saw her in Little Shop of Horrors and she's just as good here. Her ex-boyfriend is of course played by BISEXUAL Duncan James, so I guess it's just as well that he's meant to be pretty smarmy. Her geeky true love is played by CANADIAN Alex Gaumond, while rather excitingly the sleazy Professor Callahan is Peter Davison, which means I've now seen all the odd-numbered Doctors on stage, including #11 (although I'm not counting Doctors 1 & 3 because even I can grudgingly accept that stage appearances by men who've been dead for a decade or more are unlikely.) Penny was especially impressed by how good Jill Halfpenny was; the former Eastenders actress plays ~~Stiffler's Mom~~ Paulette the beautician.

While the music might not have struck me as anything special, I enjoyed a lot of the lyrics, especially one song that takes the piss out of America's overly-romanticised view of Ireland. And in case taking a film that was pretty gay to start with and turning it into a musical wasn't enough, there's lots of added campery in the songs and sets, including the song "There! Right There!" whose chorus deals with the dilemma of whether someone's gay or European. Unfortunately for the cast and crew none of them could ever be the star in a show that features live dogs on stage, and despite only making a couple of apparances it's Bruiser, played by a chihuahua also called Bruiser, who gets a bigger reaction than either Smith or BISEXUAL Duncan James at the curtain call.

Legally Blonde by Laurence O'Keefe, Nell Benjamin and Heather Hach is booking until the 23rd of May at the Savoy Theatre.

Theatre review: Red

2009-12-17T23:25:33Z

Last year one of my favourite shows was Now or Later, helped largely by a fantastic performance from Eddie Redmayne. Pair him up with Alfred Molina (you've seen him in loads of things even if you don't know the name; most high-profile would probably be as Doctor Octopus in Spider-Man 2) and you've got a bit of a dream cast for John Logan's new play Red. Set in 1958-59, Molina is the ageing Mark Rothko, working on a mural commissioned for the Four Seasons restaurant. Redmayne is Ken, his young assistant in the studio and an aspiring artist himself. Over the course of two years the gloriously self-absorbed Rothko lectures his assistant on the true value and meaning of art, and the importance of his generation "stamping on" the cubists before them, while not quite accepting that Pop Art doing the same thing to him is equally valid. Obviously in this teacher/student dynamic what's building up is Redmayne fighting back, but while this of course is what happens and the play is mostly long conversations, it never feels predictable. The two actors are as good as you'd expect, and Michael Grandage's production is constantly dynamic - most memorably the two "prime" a canvas (Rothko's version of which is to cover it in red paint so he can then add layers afterwards) in a beautifully energetic scene that borders on dance and leaves them both covered in paint. (Eddie Redmayne paint-spattered and panting and having to take his shirt off and have a wash and OK there may have been moments when I was somewhat distracted.)

But totty aside this is a great play fantastically acted, and all the elements work to make for a memorable evening - Christopher Oram's set evokes Rothko's studio, dimly lit because the artist feels too protective of his paintings to expose them to natural light; and Adam Cork's dramatic music gives a sense of occasion, and after scene changes blends interestingly with the music the characters listen to while working (chamber music for Rothko, jazz for Ken.) Another exciting show from the Donmar.

Red by John Logan is booking until the 6th of February at the Donmar Warehouse.

Twitter ye not 39: A sprout in the urinal

2009-12-16T12:47:08Z

Well my volume of tweets should slow down a bit now, since The X Factor ended on Sunday, with the totally unsurprising result of Joe winning. He was by far the best performer but it would have been quite funny to see Olly win and then FAIL spectacularly in the charts (The X Factor can't really do male winners, can it? It doesn't bode well for ickle Joe, which is why I almost wish he hadn't won so he could just go straight to musical theatre which would clearly be his strongest option. And it's become clear why Cowell was so desperate to keep Joe in the closet - he seems to have an eye on a Disney deal for him.) Anyway, between reality TV and other ramblings, I reached 2000 (!) tweets this week!

Cool, my copy of Time Out is the Troughton cover! How did they know he's my favourite? #doctorwho
12:02 PM Dec 9th from web

My cat allergy's made my right eye flare up. Weird... It's usually the left.
4:25 PM Dec 9th from txt

Holy Ghost Zone? I think church rebranding just jumped the shark.
4:47 PM Dec 9th from txt

Sleb Spot: Peter Davison in Superdrug. Hours ago, but my phone battery was dead.
10:55 PM Dec 9th from web

Faint praise of the day - Doctor: "Well done! Lose another stone & you'll just be overweight, not obese!"
9:56 AM Dec 10th from txt

My usual personal trainer's back from sick leave. I'm worried he might have spent all his time off devising new torture methods
12:06 PM Dec 11th from web

A friendly shop assistant? What does she think this is, The Past?
1:36 PM Dec 11th from txt

"I don't want to sound pretentious." "Oh go on, give it a try." #beautifulpeople
10:43 PM Dec 11th from web

"You are one of the rudest people I've ever met. And I've backcombed Brian May." #beautifulpeople
10:48 PM Dec 11th from web

RT @CherylKerl Hei, Danii's tried te nobble uz. Shiz "accidentalee" tipped a pota jam aall ovah mei hor. Jus wait til L'Oreals heaz aboot it
12:29 PM Dec 12th from web

Totty Saturday: Last-minute DILF salvages an otherwise disappointing excursion.
2:07 PM Dec 12th from txt

I know it makes me sound old to complain about pubs where the music's too loud to talk over but... OK I'm old.
9:07 PM Dec 12th from txt

Sleb Spot: Him who was Mr Collins in Lost In Austen, at the homosexualist party I'm at.
9:29 PM Dec 12th from txt

There's a sprout in the urinal. It's like the title of an obscure episode of Talking Heads.
9:36 PM Dec 12th from txt

Just heard about #xfactor - *sadface*
10:50 PM Dec 12th from txt

Been waiting 35mins for a bus; one just went by, Sorry Not In Service. I blame Boris.
11:50 PM Dec 12th from txt

FFS - 2nd day in a row the 188 bus schedule has been drawn up by gibbons. I still blame Boris.
6:08 PM Dec 13th from txt

Simon thinks Joe is "special." ARE YAZ CALLIN US SPECIAL NEEDS LIKE? #xfactor
7:42 PM Dec 13th from web

"There could be an upset tonight." Not that Simon knows how the votes have gone in past weeks or anything. #xfactor
7:52 PM Dec 13th from web

RT @mrchrisaddison Ooh, Colchester's houses must all be empty. Let's go round and burgle some Swarovski swans. #xfactor
7:54 PM Dec 13th from web

"So if I win tonight will I be back next year to show off my global success?" "Er, let me get back to you on that." #xfactor
8:18 PM Dec 13th from web

Ouch. Why it's almost as if they didn't quite have Olly in mind when they chose this song. #xfactor
8:28 PM Dec 13th from web

The difference between the two of them is just embarassing. #xfactor
8:41 PM Dec 13th from web

I can see this being as massive a hit as all of George Michael's output this decade. #xfactor
8:54 PM Dec 13th from web

Meanwhile Simon's going "nope, still have no idea who this bloke is." #xfactor
9:06 PM Dec 13th from web

Now do the theme from Home & Away #xfactor
9:08 PM Dec 13th from web

RT @gracedent heather cleaned him out to the extent he's now colouring his own hair with Bisto.
9:09 PM Dec 13th from web

And I know they used to call the Beatles mop--tops but did Sir Paul have to take that so literally when choosing a wig? #xfactor
9:10 PM Dec 13th from web

Hundreds of thousands have joined in with brightdancing? I hope they've been punished appropriately. #xfactor
9:12 PM Dec 13th from web

So Cheryl wins two years in a row - oh wait it's not about the judges, DEFINITELY NOT #xfactor
9:19 PM Dec 13th from web

RT @CherylKerl SIMON COWELL! LADY DIANA! LOUIS WALSH! WINSTON CHURCHILL! DANII MINOGUE! Yor acts took one hell of a beating leik man pet!
9:24 PM Dec 13th from web

Aww, The Adedeji was so happy. Likki Roney looked happy too - well he and Joe used to share a room *nudge*wink*cough* #xfactor
9:27 PM Dec 13th from web

What, Olly, you were working in an office? OH IF ONLY YOU'D MENTIONED THAT BEFORE! #xfactor
9:29 PM Dec 13th from web

"What are you going to do now NotLouis?" "Well I think there may be one magazine left where I haven't got my arse out yet." #xfactor
9:32 PM Dec 13th from web

So Joe won't be doing musical theatre in 6 months. About 12 months then. OK, that's me done with #xfactor
10:07 PM Dec 13th from web

Unf hot changing-room blond, I almost forgive you for keeping your boxers on, the excitement might have been too much.
11:20 AM Dec 14th from txt

Bless, but it's not always easy to tell the difference between @joemcelderry91 and @JerMcEldree is it?
12:11 PM Dec 14th from web

@marctendo They'd already exceeded their "laughing at mentals" quota for the night with Paul McCartney's hair.
12:13 PM Dec 14th from web in reply to marctendo

Totty Monday? That's new. Fabulous arse in tight jeans edition.
1:22 PM Dec 14th from txt

Bloody hell, these office blocks by the O2 have gone up fast! Were they DEFINITELY here last week or are magic beans involved?
6:20 PM Dec 14th from txt

Unfortunately-phrased campaign: "Wake Up To Rape." Sounds like an ad for Rohypnol.
7:06 PM Dec 14th from txt

Sleb Spot: Lindsay Duncan, watching COCK at the Royal Court.
9:47 PM Dec 14th from txt

She was smiling so I guess Lindsay Duncan officially likes COCK.
9:48 PM Dec 14th from txt

Unlikely ad slogan of the day: "Nutricious... Delicious... Watercress makes a meal!"
about 24 hours ago from txt

2000th tweet! Where does the time go? Sunrise, sunset... sunrise, sunset....
about 18 hours ago from web

OK, so I see why people love Glee. The shower scene was in no way a factor. #glee
about 14 hours ago from web

Miranda Hart on We Need Answers now. I don't know if she'll be speaking directly to camera or not.
about 14 hours ago from web

I have 100+ followers, doesn't that mean it's time for Twitter to purge the spammers and take me down to about three again?
about 13 hours ago from web

Buffy 8.15 - "Retreat"

2009-12-15T18:55:13Z

It's been a while since I last looked at Buffy Season 8 because the most recent storyline, Jane Espenson's "Retreat," has been the longest of the season at five full issues. And contrary to the promises at the end of the last arc, the world still knows about vampires and Slayers, but I'm really not clear on how this has supposed to have happened so smoothly. As the idea was introduced in "Harmonic Divergence" with its reality show for Harmony, I guess the lack of reaction is a comment on celebrity culture, with humanity being relatively blase about the supernatural since it provides us with more gossip fodder, but it seems a major shift to introduce to the Buffyverse for the sake of a gag.

Maybe I should leave these Buffy multiple-part stories until all the issues are out rather than reading them every month, because I seem to have a lot more trouble following the arcs here than I do on comics like Hellblazer or The Unwritten. Re-reading the whole story again today I enjoyed it a lot more than I did on first reading each issue, but I'm still not convinced by the arc. Especially the central premise, which sees all the Slayers trying to completely get rid of their magical powers because that's how Twilight is tracking them. Again, Buffy wanting to not only hide but make herself and the others powerless seems rather drastic, not to mention out of character.

This time around the controversial couple that get together are Xander and Dawn; obviously at the age the characters are at now the age gap isn't as big as it seemed when the TV show was still on, but Xander still remembers seeing Dawn grow up so there's a bit of an ick factor. But I think Buffy's lesbitarian interlude ten issues ago has made me immune to getting too shocked by these developments.

The big plus about the story is that it's written by Jane Espenson, always the TV series' funniest writer and still coming up with so many great lines here - there's a shameless pun on the word "yak" that had me laughing out loud, and not many people would have got away with. And while the central premise isn't one I can really buy, there's some nice developments along the way, including discovering Riley has been a double agent spying on Twilight. Speaking of whom, I had this sudden thought this morning, that what if Twilight is Hank Summers? We've had pretty much all other candidates show up at some point, and although Buffy's dad turning evil would be bit far-fetched, it's slightly less so than a nice-but-flawed man from the first two seasons who then completely vanished from his daughters' lives and didn't even come to his ex-wife's funeral.

Doctor Doom, I presume

2009-12-14T14:40:14Z

In keeping with the general theme of Merlin series 2 it's been a couple of thoroughly meh episodes followed by a good'un. "The Fires of Idirsholas" is a bit of a J.K. Rowling title isn't it? As in, named after a barely-relevant McGuffin that sounds impressive but gives away none of the plot. I do approve of this titling style, I must say. The fires themselves are mentioned in the first post-credits scene and that's it, all they do is give Arthur an excuse to follow them and get into Peril^TM. For some reason Arthur's surprised that his dad wants him to check out this magical mystery to which I can only repeat: This is the man who nearly executed half the kingdom because some old woman he didn't know said she maybe saw some funny-looking smoke or something. Telling him a spooky magical prophecy has come true is always going to make him run around shitting his pants and screaming "the sky is falling!"

Aaaaanyway, it's Morgause who's raised these mystical stone knights who all look suspiciously like Doctor Doom and are indestructible And That. She's also using Morgana as a Trojan Horse (without her knowledge, as far as I can tell) to infect all of Camelot with a Sleeping Beauty sickness. Which leads to one of the nicer points of this episode, conveniently getting rid of half the cast so most the scenes have a new dynamic of just Arthur, Merlin and Morgana (with occasional bits of John Hurt Dragon. Whom I've been loving this series, by the way, mainly for the fact that he's been all pouty and bitchy to Merlin all year - witness him pretending to snore when everyone else has been sent to sleep.)

So where it looked early on as if the story from the familiar myth we'd be following this year was Arthur/Guinevere (and unlike other people I'm quite happy with where that stands at the moment - given the show's format of "we know certain things will happen but how?" I think it's interesting to have the romance started up, then dismissed as something that can never happen; it gives another layer of "what will come along to change things?") it turns out it's been Fierce!Morgana's move to the Dark Side we've been following all along. So far I've not liked the rather clunky speed with which they've made her go from Fierce! to superbitch but I've got to say, having Merlin kill her, albeit because he had no other option, is one motivation for hating him that I can't argue with, and once again I'm pleased the show went there, even if her death didn't take. I wonder if this means Katie McGrath's presence will be scaled down next year, as she surely can't return to Camelot now? Mind you she was hardly there half the time this year, her main duties involved clapping at jousting. And then we also have the setup to this year's finale, once again with the Slash Dragon rather gleefully making it obvious he's going to cause a hell of a lot of shit to go dahn and Merlin's got no choice but to help make it happen.

GAYWATCH! Oh come on, the little moment when Arthur bandaged Merlin up and was all proud he'd got his first war wound? Bless. Things also seemed to be going a bit lesbionic between Morgana and Morgause at the start, which is all kinds of disturbing. Stop it Morgana, don't you know she's your sister? Oh that's right, she doesn't. Quick, someone tell her - this show does after all take place in the mystical kingdom of Fan Fiction, you can't take risks like that.

Theatre review: Nation

2009-12-13T21:37:42Z

Back in May I read Terry Pratchett's latest all-ages book Nation, which is now the new Christmas family show at the National Theatre, adapted by Mark Ravenhill of all people. I don't think it's a secret that I've never been entirely convinced by Ravenhill as a dramatist and having seen the production I'm still not sold that he was the best person to adapt the book. The play keeps most of the major events of the book as after a tsunami Daphne (Emily Taafe) is washed up on the Nation where Mau (Gary Carr) is the only survivor. Ravenhill ramps up the role of the foul-mouthed parrot Milton (Jason Thorpe) who unsurprisingly goes down a storm with the younger audience members. Although there's still a strong presence of the book's science vs religion theme, there's much less emphasis on Mau questioning the existence of his island's god than in the original. The story's all present and correct, but it seems to lack some of the charm.

Luckily director/designer Melly Still throws in a lot of impressive visual touches which make the show a spectacular, and the actors' performances restore a lot of the emotional resonance. There really are some very clever special effects and bits of stage magic, plus some more of the animal puppets the National's been perfecting over the years, all of which make for an interesting show even if it didn't move me as much as the book did. Having said that, I went to see it with vanessaw and her daughter, and I had to quickly find a tissue for Vanessa as she suddenly got tearful at the end, so maybe seeing the story fresh it has more of an impact.

Nation by Terry Pratchett, adapted by Mark Ravenhill, is booking until the 28th of March at the National Theatre's Olivier.

Quote unquote

2009-12-13T10:25:25Z

Once again I go ages without remembering a dream, then remember two days in a row. I was sitting with a friend (no idea who) by a table with a stack of paperbacks on it. I want to say they were Richard Matheson books, but it's probably more the case that they were the small-format paperbacks I have several of his books in, so I just associate them with him. We'd read one novel ridiculously quickly (as in, minutes) and moved onto the second one. Before reading the book itself I looked at the title pages, and each of them had one or two quotations on them, themed around freedom of speech and/or pornography. One was something like "No reader of pornography ever protested the removal of an article." For some reason I found this amusing and wanted to show it to my friend, but when I looked again I couldn't find it - every opening page had quotes on it, but none were that particular one. I kept trying to see if two pages had stuck together, and as I did the pages started to split in half. At this point the book went from a small paperback to a large hardback, with colour illustrations and tissue paper protecting the illustrated pages.

Subsidence

2009-12-12T12:26:50Z

This morning I dreamed that I was walking along the main road, somewhere between my flat and the gym. On one corner was a building site, an almost-finished apartment block with builders still wandering around it. A man in a hard hat was standing where the entrance would eventually be, when the building suddenly subsided into the ground. The whole ground floor went under, taking the man with it. Two more builders ran to look down the hole he'd fallen into, when the ground shook again and the first floor went down as well, taking them with it. Obviously a lot of people in the street were now panicking, but nobody seemed to actually be doing anything about it, so I called 999 on my mobile. The operator agreed to send ambulances and police (actually wouldn't you need the fire service as well, to get the men out of the hole?) but with no real sense of urgency - actually he was just chatting with me on the phone. I remember thinking aww, he's nice, but this may not be quite the time to be all friendly.

Being a month away

2009-12-11T21:29:15Z

Watch out - it's getting to that time again, when I keep reminding you that Series 2 of Being Human is coming soon. In fact we now know the broadcast date for episode 1: The 10th of January. At least it was announced as the 10th of January, it seems to have gone back to "unplaced" on the BBC website now, but in any case the second week of next year is when it's scheduled to reappear. So, just a month or less to go. To mark the imminent return the Being Human Twitter feed (@bbcbeinghuman) has been going mad with new photos and gossip, like this latest one, aptly titled "Behold! The mighty Russell Tovey!"

Oh dear. Considering how much time he spends in the show running around naked, it's faintly ludicrous how exciting it is that he's showing a hint of midriff. It's probably just as well I can't make this year's preview screening - meeting him once was risky enough, if I met him a second time I'm really not sure I could be held responsible for my actions.

Theatre review: The Stefan Golaszewski Plays

2009-12-10T23:32:24Z

Originally premiered separately at the Edinburgh Festival in 2008 and this year, these two monologues written and performed by Stefan Golaszewski are now in a double bill at the Bush Theatre. First up, Stefan Golaszewski Speaks About A Girl He Once Loved goes back to the late nineties and follows an 18-year-old Stefan meeting a beautiful girl and spending just one amazing night on a date with her. Golaszewski is twinkly-eyed and endearing, and it makes for a very sweet story with a few sad moments but mostly a lot of laughs - at times it bordered on standup comedy. Incidentally, Golaszewski is the writer of Russell Tovey's new sitcom Young, Unemployed & Lazy which should be turning up sometime next year, so fingers crossed it should be good, at least now I know he can write a good gag.

Having gone into the past, after the interval we go into the future for Stefan Golaszewski is a Widower. In 2056 Stefan is 76 years old, and two years ago his wife died. Although there's moments of black comedy this is a much bleaker piece - at first we seem to be encountering what's left of a devoted old couple, but as he flashes back over their lives together we find out it's not so simple. This second play isn't anywhere near as effective as the first, largely because the picture Golaszewski paints of them in their prime isn't very sympathetic: They bitch about their friends behind their backs, and are constantly smug over Stefan's success (he spends 25 years as a camp sidekick on The Bill.) Performed on its own, it might have been an interesting look at how we react to tragedy striking people we don't necessarily empathise with; but coming straight after Girl, where the 18-year-old Stefan does display these judgemental qualities but balances them out with self-deprecation and likeability, Widower's harsh central characters are particularly jarring. Well worth seeing for the first play, but like so many sequels this one doesn't match up to the original.

The Stefan Golaszewski Plays by Stefan Golaszewski are booking until the 9th of January at the Bush Theatre.

Theatre review: Potted Potter

2009-12-09T23:48:36Z

I'm not completely averse to going to kids' shows you know, OK they're not my first choice but my friend Andy texted me to say he had a spare, free ticket to Potted Potter, a parody¹ of Harry Potter that tries to condense all 7 books into 70 minutes. As it turns out almost all the audience tonight was adults, maybe 4 or 5 kids at the most. Performed by CBBC presenters Dan & Jeff (me neither; I'm guessing a sort of even-less-famous Sam & Mark) I got the feeling that if there hadn't been the handful of kids there the show might have veered into a bit more double-entendre than it did, but as it is the duo did well with putting across the show to the not-quite-target audience, and particularly by diffusing any potential awkwardness in the situation. Actually one moment, where they get the audience to split into Gryffindor and Slytherin to play quidditch, was probably funnier as a result, as it demonstrated once again that grown men will get much more competitive at kids' games than the children ever could. Hopefully though they'll get more kids in later in the run as it is a fun show for those kids familiar with the story, and the duo have a nice line in chaotic energy. Plus there's a few jokes that they just had to do, most notably "Cedric died, awwww, sad. But it's OK, he's got Twilight now. I'm Team Jacob though."

Potted Potter by Daniel Clarkson & Jefferson Turner is booking until the 2nd of January at Trafalgar Studio 2.

¹actually not so much, but in one of several asides for the benefit of the adults it's made clear that using the words "unathorised" and "parody" in all the publicity is just about all that stands between the show and a lawsuit from Warner Bros.

Twitter ye not 38: Some shiny red beads

2009-12-09T12:34:29Z

Apart from the usual X Factor gubbins, obviously the other big news on my Twitter feed this week was the amazing astral alignment of Celia Imrie and some cake. Plus there was the brief return of one of the Twitter word games there used to be a lot more of - this time it was soup films.

Right, come on, must drag myself out of the house and to the gym. *procrastinates a bit more*
10:02 AM Dec 2nd from web

I wonder if #red still works today?
1:13 PM Dec 2nd from web

Predictably, after not wanting to drag my carcass to the gym this morning, I'm now really glad I did.
1:16 PM Dec 2nd from web

Chicken and Mushroom With A View #soupfilms
9:10 PM Dec 2nd from web

You Minestrone Live Twice #soupfilms
9:15 PM Dec 2nd from web

Lentl #soupfilms
9:19 PM Dec 2nd from web

Cream of Chicken Little #soupfilms
9:25 PM Dec 2nd from web

In other news: *Unf* Tariq from #spooks
9:29 PM Dec 2nd from web

RT @CherylKerl Ah've got the hump me cos Ah'm not on the Grammy list but sumbudee caalled Lady Gaga is. Typikil Toffs gets everything leik!
12:01 PM Dec 3rd from web

I've wrapped some shiny red beads around my bed's headboard. I think this is the most Xmas decorating I've EVER done.
12:05 PM Dec 3rd from web

@MrStevieWebb To be fair, the book of Wicked has two sequels (and counting.)
12:46 PM Dec 3rd from web in reply to MrStevieWebb

@MrStevieWebb One about Elphaba's son, one about the Cowardly Lion.
3:25 PM Dec 3rd from web in reply to MrStevieWebb

Dermot O'Deirdre still says "correctamundo" with no apparent irony. The year is 2009 AD.
4:22 PM Dec 3rd from web

Who'd have thunk, turns out a crumbling building that in summer is "atmospheric," in winter is "fucking freezing."
6:47 PM Dec 3rd from txt

I'd forgotten Celia Imrie was in this! Excited again! #acornantiquesisfabulousgirlfriend
6:56 PM Dec 3rd from txt

Just had a Miranda Hart/accidentally setting off hand-dryer moment.
7:13 PM Dec 3rd from txt

Got given cake by Celia Imrie! As part of the play but still: Cake! Imrie! Imrie-Cake!
8:47 PM Dec 3rd from txt

@nick00031 The front two rows got cake, but only I got given it by Imrie - after me she gave the tin to another actress to pass round.
11:10 PM Dec 3rd from web in reply to nick00031

@nick00031 Bent Ben replied to my tweet yesterday, I'z on fire!
2:04 PM Dec 4th from web in reply to nick00031

Last night's Misfits: Spring Awakening reunion = WIN. #misfits
2:05 PM Dec 4th from web

Rising Star Of Dame Theatre Stephen Wight as a drug dealer = DOUBLE WIN #misfits
2:07 PM Dec 4th from web

The Irish One's dad is Dexter Fletcher with matching hairdo = EPIC WIN! #misfits
2:09 PM Dec 4th from web

Cool, Half-Blood Prince DVD's arrived a couple of days early. Not that I'll get round to watching it yet, but still...
12:22 PM Dec 5th from web

Olly dreams of being a national superstar. I guess at least someone this year realises "international" ain't gonna happen #xfactor
8:10 PM Dec 5th from web

That sounded well out of tune, but it's Olly so I'm assuming I'm wrong and it was "sensational." #xfactor
8:13 PM Dec 5th from web

"If you pull out..." dear god I thought Dannii was going to end that sentence with "your cock." #xfactor
8:14 PM Dec 5th from web

Not that we'd all guessed Joe was The Anointed or anything, but the Edward Scissorhands theme? Subtle. #xfactor
8:21 PM Dec 5th from web

If Danyl was talking to the man in the mirror he'd say "change nothing, I love you. Oh how I love you." #xfactor
8:42 PM Dec 5th from web

Ew, what horrible arrangement of "We Can Work It Out" is this? Now, will they mention Olly's huffing and panting? #xfactor
8:55 PM Dec 5th from web

Haha ILU Joe's nan. "You can sing like, but you's right thick!" #xfactor
9:00 PM Dec 5th from web

Have to say, she was fantastic in that song #xfactor
9:14 PM Dec 5th from web

I love Cheryl for paying the minimum possible compliment to Danyl #xfactor
9:24 PM Dec 5th from web

@Daphne_Moon You'd hope, I really can't tell who'll be going though. Olly would be funniest though, I reckon.
9:24 PM Dec 5th from web in reply to Daphne_Moon

Went to see Dave in hospital after he unsubtly begged for visitors; he had so many people there to see him he'd taken over the day room.
6:24 PM Dec 6th from web

Danyl just comes across as if he's taking the piss out of Michael Jackson's performance style. Which must be nice for Janet. #xfactor
7:40 PM Dec 6th from web

Gold devil outfit, check. Men in skirts, check. Giant bathtub, check. Pretty standard, really. #ladygaga
7:56 PM Dec 6th from web

NotLouis is frantically making notes #xfactor #ladygaga
7:57 PM Dec 6th from web

Dermot is so not equipped to interview Gaga #xfactor
7:59 PM Dec 6th from web

Olly through eh? I said it wasn't going to be obvious... #xfactor
8:19 PM Dec 6th from web

"He's a graceful... er... LOSER." #xfactor
8:22 PM Dec 6th from web

Watched Half Blood Prince DVD. Dame Maggie does have fabulous shoulder-... er... spikes?
9:35 PM Dec 6th from web

RT @CherylKerl Wor aall waitin in the Hoavestah foa Janet te torn up but we divvint think shill shoa, seu we're orderin befoa the cleuse.
9:52 PM Dec 6th from web

Judging from the guestlist, bowling tonight might be a damp squib... I guess not that surprising what with the weather.
4:58 PM Dec 7th from web

Damn, can't go to this year's Being Human preview screening - already busy that night :( #beinghuman
5:02 PM Dec 7th from web

As expected, low turnout at bowling. One of whom spent 10 mins telling us about fibreglass. Joy.
8:16 PM Dec 7th from txt

Yay, won the 2nd game. And there were 7 of us on the lane, therefore I'm proper skill.
10:04 PM Dec 7th from txt

Xmas Radio Times cover = Santa with a Dalek. Is this a "subtle" hint at a "surprise" villain for the DW specials?
3:12 PM Dec 8th from web

Theatre review: Pains of Youth

2009-12-08T23:18:48Z

Shows directed by Katie Mitchell can go either way - her Women of Troy was fantastic, her ...some trace of her teeth-clenchingly bad. The newspaper reviews have said her version of Ferdinand Bruckner's Pains of Youth is a triumph, but I'd heard audience opinions that it was more of a yawn, and unfortunately I agreed with the latter. In Vienna between the Wars, a group of medical students are generally fed up, and get themselves sexually entangled with each other in various pairings. There's lots of angst but while there's nothing wrong with the performances as such, the production is lifeless, not helped by the low lighting throughout. Things get a bit better when Geoffrey Streatfeild as a sometimes violent charmer is on stage, but as he's the only charismatic character any time he's gone is a time when I got dangerously close to nodding off. And it really doesn't help that Mitchell has lumbered the production with a gimmick for scene changes which starts mildly interesting, becomes tedious, and ends up being an actual hindrance to the performance's already muted energy levels.

Pains of Youth by Ferdinand Bruckner in a version by Martin Crimp is booking until the 21st of January at the National Theatre's Cottesloe.

Ode to 35

2009-12-07T13:17:40Z

Thanks everyone who remembered what day it is today - now all I need you to do is immediately forget about it again. Honestly, I only turned 30 five minutes ago so it's a bit disquieting to suddenly be halfway between 30 and 40. To distract everyone's attention, hey look at this instead! Everyone's seen the Muppets' "Bohemian Rhapsody" by now, but I think I may like this even more: Beaker's "Ode to Joy." I love Beaker.

Book review: Mister B. Gone

2009-12-06T19:37:26Z

I loved Clive Barker's early books, especially when I was in my teens, but went off his later ones when they started turning into bloated soap operas. His 2007 novella Mister B. Gone is pretty short so doesn't succumb to that particular problem, but it's still not a return to form. Mr B, a demon, isn't just a narrator, he's actually been imprisoned in the very words of the book. Right from the start he tries to beg, threaten or manipulate the reader into burning the book thus ending his imprisonment, a device which at first is pretty funny, but when it keeps resurfacing for several pages at a time starts to feel like padding in an already slight story. The story itself starts well enough, with Mr B recalling his childhood in a suburb of the Ninth Circle of Hell, and then how he was captured and brought to Earth. But it gets bogged down in the story of his love affair with another demon (like pretty much every Clive Barker character, Mr B is bisexual) and builds up to the revelation of a big secret. Since this turns out to be a pretty common idea in lots of supernatural fiction, the whole thing definitely ends as a damp squib.

Morgana be startin' something

2009-12-06T11:21:35Z

Camelot must have got over the knight shortage they had last year during the Lancelot episode, because lately they seem to be dropping like flies but there's still a steady supply. They were dropping dead in their dozens this week and nobody seemed particularly fussed to be honest. I also couldn't get too fussed about this episode, despite it finally kicking off Fierce!Morgana's transformation into the eventual big bad. As the female leads have been sidelined a bit this year, it kinda came out of nowhere (apart from Morgana's not giving a shit about Arthur's probable death last week, but let's not go there again.) The idea of having her corrupted by a charismatic druid is a good way of starting off her transformation (it's goood to have a druid that isn't entirely a fluffy hippie good guy for a change, and I could easily believe that Joseph Mawle's Alvarr didn't just mean to depose Uther but replace him) but the execution of it didn't quite work. Also what the hell's going on by the end, could Morgana have incriminated herself any more? Apart from the showdown with Uther, did she not notice that two of the guards she drugged survived? But neither of them will think to mention her visit. Sloppy.

Ultimately I think my problem with the episode was that it was too, well, episodic. Yes, they managed to fit a lot of story into 45 minutes but it never really gelled for me and both times I watched it I kept finding my attention wandering. After a really good episode a couple of weeks ago Merlin's having a bit of a duff patch, let's hope the two final episodes make up for that (and I hope they haven't forgotten Colin Morgan promising development in regard to Arthur finding out about Merlin's abilities this series; I think the biggest problem this year has been the writers putting this off and as a result their relationship has stalled in a holding pattern.)

Q9

2009-12-04T23:45:12Z

Yes, after my 8th trip to Avenue Q was the absolutely last one ever, the show only went and reopened so this is the third (and, surely, final) annual trip for me and Evil Alex to the late Friday matinee. We've been going on or near my birthday ever since Daniel Boys joined the cast, our first trip together being in his first week in the role. Which means this week is the start of his third year as Princeton and Rod - no wonder he sometimes sounds fed up with the job on his Twitter.

Well I've not been since the show moved to the Gielgud, but most of the cast is as it was. Although the programme still lists Mark Goldthorp, the note inserted in it says that Nicky/Trekkie/Bear are "now played by" Tom Parsons, which suggests to me that he's not actually understudying it any more, and Goldthorp has actually left, presumably suddenly. We also had an understudy Brian - again probably due to a quick reshuffle I don't know his name, as he was announced over the tannoy but isn't actually listed in the programme. He's also the first-ever skinny Brian I've seen - not that any newcomers to the show would have found it odd, as I think there's only one quick reference to Brian being fat in the actual dialogue. Both actors were fine, although I didn't like them as much as their predecessors. But there's also a new (third) actress playing Kate/Lucy, and I'm afraid I really didn't like Cassidy Janson in the role. While all the other actors seem replaceable (yes, remember even D-Boys is a replacement cast member, and Jon Robyns before him was also fab) Julie Atherton really seems matchless as the female leads. Janson's Kate Monster speaks way too quickly - loads of gags were completely lost. Her Lucy The Slut is better at first, but in the second act also succumbs to the rapidfire delivery. One place where Janson does beat the second Kate is "There's a Fine, Fine Line" - Rebecca Lock could belt it but never get much emotion out of it, but Janson does a lot better in that regard. But overall I'd say she was the weakest of the three lead actresses I've seen.

The rest of the cast are as at the last time at the Noël Coward; in tonight's performance Joanna Ampil (who seems to be the only Christmas Eve to have lasted a significant amount of time) got a particularly good reception from a largely young crowd.

And of course there's D-Boys, who still looks like he's having great fun even if his tweets sometimes tell a different story, so nice bit of professionalism there. He's still ridiculously hot, obviously, and either he's done some creative combing or his hair isn't receding quite as rapidly as it was last year, when it appeared to be in some kind of race against itself. The last couple of times I was rather taken by his arms; they don't seem to be any more muscular than they were before, but I think he might have been working on his pecs as he was looking particularly good in the faded black T-shirt. There was also almost-permanent nipple erection on show, so there's lovely. Now something a bit contentious: Evil Alex claimed that at one point D-Boys' sleeve rolled up particularly high, and he spotted a tattoo. Now, having been looking at his arms for much of the time I saw no such thing, although sometimes there was a shadow cast that could be mistaken for a tat, so I'm guessing Alex was seeing things. Besides which, this is Daniel Boys we're talking about. He's been on Songs of Praise FFS. Twice. I'm just saying, he may be many things (and in my imagination he also does many, many things) but *rawk* \m/ is unlikely to be one of them.

Anyway, back to the show, and surely when it closes at the Gielgud in March (which yes, I'll be going to, making it an even 10) it'll be gone for good, in this original production at least. I'm sure in 10-15 years' time it'll be ripe for a reimagining (undoubtedly at the Menier) but although it's still funny it's starting to feel a tiny bit dated. Not just the "George Bush is only for now" line which both this and the Broadway production struggled to replace once Obama got in (the current version here is "Swine Flu is only for now," getting a fraction of the response the original did - there's really not an equivalent replacement for that line to be honest.) I also noticed that although the song "Mix Tape" is still called that, Princeton now holds a CD, and "Side A/Side B" in the dialogue is now "Disk 1/Disk 2." It still works but it's really a noughties show with noughties concerns: Probably for the best if it bows out gracefully before outstaying its welcome in the next decade.

Theatre review: Mixed Up North (+ Celia Imrie cake madness)

2009-12-03T23:58:40Z

Oh all right, I'll do a review of the play as well, but mainly I want to get to the very exciting thing that happened during the play: The sort of thing that some people on my flist, especially those of a lowcultural persuasion, will be very jealous of; and some people, especially the Americans and other aliens, will stare at the screen blankly.

Mixed Up North is another piece of verbatim theatre (in which writers record interviews with real people, then edit them into a script) although writer Robin Soans and director Max Stafford-Clark don't go as far as Alecky Blythe, who gave her actors headphones onstage to listen to the original people speaking during the performance. The theme is racism and the setting is a youth club in Burnley, a town still dealing with the effects of the race riots there in 2001. The first half sees them attempt to do a dress rehearsal of the play they're putting on the next night, with the audience as invited observers. The dress rehearsal becomes a disaster, and in the second half we return the next night where instead of a performance they've had to put on a Q&A featuring a mixed-race couple who'd inspired their workshops.

It's lovely to see something at Wilton's Music Hall again, not least to know that the place is still standing and able to house shows. It's a bit of an odd match to have a modern play in a crumbling Victorian building, but designer Jonathan Fensom manages to make it work. There's good moments in the play and the cast are all very good (plus a couple of hotties in Tyrone Lopez and Kashif Khan - in keeping with a running theme chez this blog, the programme notes confirm they're both LAMDA boys) but all too often this play about community theatre seems to actually be a dodgy piece of community theatre. There's a lot of interesting things here about Burnley, including the idea that there's so little industry there that since 2001 creating problems and trying to solve them has become the closest thing to an industry and town identity they've got. But there's a lot of moments where the action stops so the characters can turn to the audience and give them a potted history of the town and how they relate to it, including some cringe-inducing linking dialogue. In the second half this feeling is even stronger as it's essentially just a recreation of a Q&A.

A lot of interesting ideas but they don't really feel fleshed out dramatically, despite many good moments along the way. On another note I found it funny that the poster photo shows a white boy chatting up an Asian girl, when the play has a running theme that the youth group's members are almost entirely white girls and Asian boys, and that mixed couples always seem to be that way round.

However there's something very exciting about this evening, and shows how sometimes by sheer luck you pick just the right seat: Celia Imrie plays Trish, the youth group leader. She's the first person to address the audience in their role as outside observers there to give their thoughts on the dress rehearsal, and says there's some cake on the way that they'll pass round. Then she says, tonight directly to me, "you could manage a slice of cake I'm sure." (I was tempted to be offended but the playtext programme means I could check that line was really there, and it wasn't a comment on my weight; she presumably has the seat I was in, at the middle of the second row, as her marker every night.) Then the really exciting thing: Later in the show a tin of cake does arrive, Trish says "I promised you a slice didn't I?" and gives me cake. Celia. Imrie. Gave. Me. Cake. MISS BABS + CAKE! I know! I said you'd be jealous. The whole two fronts rows got a slice, but after me Imrie passes the tin to another actress and asks her to pass it around, so although I wasn't the only one to get cake, I was the only one given it directly by Celia Imrie. Tonight, anyway. I KNOW!

Mixed Up North by Robin Soans is booking until the 5th of December at Wilton's Music Hall.

Twitter ye not 37: Well done with the secrecy, spies!

2009-12-02T15:10:22Z

This week on Twitter I have been mostly chuckling at a fake Cheryl Cole (@CherylKerl) who tweets phonetically-spelt "gossip" from behind the scenes at X Factor. And obviously tweeting my own X Factor thoughts, although those have mostly been self-censored because of that story that nobody's supposed to know about, let alone mention. Yeah, that one.

Old man: If the changing room's half-empty but you still squeeze yourself in between me and another naked young guy, I'm making assumptions.
1:12 PM Nov 25th from web

And by assumptions I mean from now on you will be referred to as Mr Herbert from Family Guy.
1:13 PM Nov 25th from web

#spooks turning into American Beauty = a bit odd
9:04 PM Nov 25th from web

"I'll look after him." Coming from Ros these are the least reassuring words in the English language #spooks
9:09 PM Nov 25th from web

2 spies having secret affair. EVERYONE knows. Well done with the secrecy, spies! #spooks
9:20 PM Nov 25th from web

"Oleg, she means nothing to me, I only love you!" #spooks is getting more slashtacular than Merlin.
9:32 PM Nov 25th from web

Can we have a "don't watch this when you're eating" warning before the man-vomiting-up-a-rat advert please?
11:05 PM Nov 25th from web

I really should make a move and go for a haircut...
9:45 AM Nov 26th from web

Haircut = trapped in a chair having to listen to TalkSport :( Still, THE HORROR's over for another month.
11:44 AM Nov 26th from txt

Caffè Nero Long Acre is SO gay today. I mean lots of couples, not that my own gayness is overpowering the shop.
6:47 PM Nov 26th from txt

Totty Friday: "I saw your bum a couple of hours ago in the changing room" edition.
2:33 PM Nov 27th from web

How could I forget? PT & I managed to break 2 (TWO) gym machines this morning. *weirdly proud*
7:10 PM Nov 27th from txt

I've had better evenings.
11:51 PM Nov 27th from web

Oh, Greenwich has new Xmas decorations this year! Maybe they realised they kept hanging the old ones upside-down.
10:08 PM Nov 28th from txt

Dear Dan, either open your mouth properly when you speak, or slow down, I can't understand a word you're saying #gossipgirl
10:45 AM Nov 29th from web

Totty Sunday: Sporty edition.
12:12 PM Nov 29th from txt

Seriously, am I getting another cold ALREADY? My throat's like razor blades :(
7:11 PM Nov 29th from web

"The final 5 sang their hearts out!" And I puked my guts out. I was in the pub, Olly was writhing, *vom* #xfactor
8:03 PM Nov 29th from web

Is it even possible to do a completely joyless version of "I Don't Feel Like Dancin'"? Apparently it is. #xfactor
8:09 PM Nov 29th from web

"There's only one woman in the flow." Bloody women, always talking about periods. #xfactor
8:29 PM Nov 29th from web

My bad-taste joke mojo is failing. There must be a Rihanna/Cheryl violence joke somewhere but I can't find it. #xfactor
8:41 PM Nov 29th from web

@helencairns "If you're missing your ex, Rihanna, maybe Cheryl can help recreate the magic."
8:46 PM Nov 29th from web in reply to helencairns

"Lloyd's got the full package," who told you that Cheryl, was it Da OH YOU KNOW WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS #xfactor
8:47 PM Nov 29th from web

"In no particular order" but the obvious two go first. #xfactor
8:50 PM Nov 29th from web

"Do you have a highlight?" "No." How many times, Dermot, don't expect Lloyd to say words! #xfactor
8:53 PM Nov 29th from web

Was I the only one thinking Lloyd was going to say his highlight was getting CENSORED up the CENSORED by CENSORED? #xfactor
8:57 PM Nov 29th from web

Go on, Xtra Factor callers. "Danyl, are you upset now Lloyd's gone you won't be able to WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES" #xfactor
9:36 PM Nov 29th from web

Holly would like to see Joe and lloyd have a fight. So would Danyl. Naked. In oil. #xfactor
9:38 PM Nov 29th from web

Ugh, get Marc Wooton off my telly! Three years at university with him was more than enough. #nativity
9:50 PM Nov 29th from web

Not that they're saying "Lloyd will have lots of girls after him" all the time to detract attention from anything. #xfactor
9:57 PM Nov 29th from web

RT @CherylKerl Ah neva gorra wink of sleep last neet cos LLoyd was baalin iz ize oot. He wanted inte wor bed but Ash wouldn't lerrim leik.
9:28 AM Nov 30th from web

Why am I getting ill again? I thought getting fitter was meant to improve my immune system, not knacker it.
9:41 AM Nov 30th from web

Happy December everyone. 31 days left to the end of the decade, yeesh. #red
11:19 AM Dec 1st from web

Weird. For the first time in YEARS I felt über-Christmassy. While buying vitamins in Boots. #red
1:50 PM Dec 1st from txt

I'm hoping my feeling ill yesterday was a false alarm - feel much better now, just hope there isn't a relapse lurking #red
5:07 PM Dec 1st from web

I think we may have a winner for worst free "song" ever given away by iTunes as Single of the Week #red
5:47 PM Dec 1st from web

Last year's Xmas stamps were secular so there was a Jesus-y alternative. This year's are religious, where's my secular alternative? #red
6:49 PM Dec 1st from web

Destiny and chicken

2009-11-30T15:03:18Z

Not up to last week's standard but not a bad Merlin this week all the same. Bit of a "will this do?" episode title, mind - "Sweet Dreams." Doesn't really fit in with the usual rather grand Merlin titles, and apart from the spell taking place while Arthur and Vivian slept it has bugger all to do with the story.

Still, overall a bit of a comedy ep this week, as any story involving a love spell will tend to be. The "Destiny and chicken" line was of course the best in the episode. Nicely performed by Bradley James and Georgia Moffett, although The Actor Kevin Eldon was a bit hammy for my tastes - I thought his Trickler was going to morph into his Evil Hypnotist from Big Train. I did like though how the episode seemed to be about putting a rift between Arthur and Gwen but by the end turned out to be about confirming their feelings for each other. On the other hand there were some horribly underwritten moments - like Trickler blatantly doing magic as part of his act in front of Uther. Even bearing in mind he had to be cautious because of the delicate negotiations, it's a bit much to expect us to buy Uther not being suspicious about butterflies appearing out of thin air, when a vague rumour about some funny-looking smoke nearly made him execute half the kingdom. Plus there was Morgana's sole scene in which she seemed spectacularly un-bothered about Arthur possibly going to his death. Although that might be fogivable if next week's episode marks the start of her going to the Dark Side.

GAYWATCH! Less of the Martha slash as we got more focus on the Arthur/Gwen romantic relationship while the actual Arthur/Merlin one has some strong moments of how they often forget themselves and treat each other as equals. But of course we did have the moment when King Alined sort-of admits a crush on Arthur himself.

Book review: Hangover Square

2009-11-27T15:46:49Z

Time for another of the freebie classics The Times was giving away a couple of months ago. One week's theme was "London" which was inexplicably colour-coded pink. Patrick Hamilton wrote the play Rope, which I'm going to see in January and which Hitchcock filmed. He must have had an interest in crime because his novel Hangover Square opens with a definition of schizophrenia, and then goes on to tell the story of large, graceless George Harvey Bone. He's a rather tangential member of an Earl's Court "set" that gravitates around the beautiful and bitchy Netta. George is utterly besotted with Netta, a fact that she openly takes advantage of for her own financial gain while frequently humiliating him; but every so often something "clicks" in his brain and all he can think about is murdering her.

Set in 1939 and leading up to the breakout of World War II, it's a satire of a certain type of socialite of the era, fecklessly spending money (usually other people's) and as the title suggests spending much of their time drunk. Not a lot happens but I still enjoyed it and got through it pretty quickly, with the black comedy offering a few chuckles now and again. It can be an uncomfortable read, I always find something upsetting in stories of people obsessing over someone who'll take advantage of them for it, and often found myself hoping George would get round to killing Netta and her sidekick Peter before he switched back to his more vulnerable personality. In the end it takes on an air of tragedy and overall gives you a strong impression of what it might have been like in that time and place, with the protagonists harshly viewed as seeing the oncoming war as little more than an inconvenience. And although Hamilton's understanding of Bone's mental condition feels a bit naïve, the book reads like a predecessor of the psychological thrillers which are more of a recent literary genre.

Plenty of people to make omelettes for

2009-11-26T13:28:48Z

A couple more TV articles for the front page this week (there doesn't seem to be any lowculture-friendly theatre opening at the moment, although there should be a couple of new shows in January worth flagging up.)

On Tuesday I did one of those previews of a show I really wasn't that sure about, BBC1's Paradox. It looked rubbish but I kinda hoped it might be the Bonekickers kind of rubbish. Sadly it wasn't, it was just pants. Never mind the Paradocks.

And tonight don't forget the final series of Gavin & Stacey starts, also on BBC1: Not occurin' for much longer.

And that's it for now...

Twitter ye not 36: Biscuits not botox

2009-11-25T16:14:15Z

I guess this is the last week for a while of my tweets going into meltdown every Saturday and Sunday night since I won't be as fussed about X-Factor now Jedward are gone. Although if I'm at home I'll probably join in with the OH MY GOD MAKE HIS ENORMOUS MOUTH GO AWAY comments every time Danyl's on screen - it's only polite. I did tweet about some other stuff this week too, honest.

If it *is* Wham day on Saturday, then surely "Wham Rap"? #songsthatjedwardshouldsing
1:14 PM Nov 18th from web

Whoa. Sudden energy-drain. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.........
5:49 PM Nov 18th from web

That's it, I'm going to the corner shop for some chocolate which I'm totally allowed every so often. I feel sugar-deficient.
7:34 PM Nov 18th from web

Heh, Sam from Lead Balloon is a baddie in Spooks.
9:06 PM Nov 18th from web

Another Spook bites the dust :(
9:57 PM Nov 18th from web

Seriously TrueBlood, opening the episode with Paquin's boobs is not the way to make me keep watching. *needs mind-bleach*
10:10 PM Nov 18th from web

Let The Right One In = very, very faithful to the book, only one major subplot cut out.
3:59 PM Nov 19th from web

I don't think I've ever NOT had a seat upgrade at the Vaudeville.
7:14 PM Nov 19th from txt

Why does To Buy Or Not To Buy insist on putting that creepy-looking man on telly when I'm trying to do cardio? *queasy*
11:55 AM Nov 20th from txt

Seriously, he looks like the Aphex Twin.
11:55 AM Nov 20th from txt

It was legs & abs this morning. Now I don't think I can walk again today. Possibly ever.
2:30 PM Nov 20th from web

As if X Factor didn't rape the memory of Freddie Mercury enough, Children in Need have roped in the Hollyoaks cast for the final insult.
8:08 PM Nov 20th from web

It's not true that all Welsh people can sing well. Exhibit A: Elliott from t'Oaks.
8:10 PM Nov 20th from web

And the HORROR of Rubbish Tranny: "I'm goyna mayke a saypersonic woman ay yay!"
8:10 PM Nov 20th from web

Beautiful People was so good this week.
10:04 PM Nov 20th from web

"You actually bury people under the floorboards? Fred, Rose, you're hilarious!" #beautifulpeople
10:11 PM Nov 20th from web

"Oh shammy shammy shoo, dappy dappy dappy doo!" #beautifulpeople
10:24 PM Nov 20th from web

"I don't know if you've seen The Sound of Music... Well you're watching this so you probably have." #beautifulpeople
10:31 PM Nov 20th from web

@sutty76 "For light muggings or burglaries, press 3."
10:32 PM Nov 20th from web in reply to sutty76

"Everybody loves Michael McIntyre." The dictionary definition of false advertising.
10:57 PM Nov 20th from web

Catching up with today's Merlin. O hai, Arthur in a towel.
8:02 PM Nov 21st from web

Oh no Cheryl's raided Minnie Mouse's dressing-up box and stolen her bow! #xfactor
8:07 PM Nov 21st from web

"It's George Michael week! He's watching from home! Shit, whose job was it to invite him?" #xfactor
8:09 PM Nov 21st from web

Well the haircut's not bad. SEE I CAN SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT LLOYD! #xfactor
8:13 PM Nov 21st from web

"It's Lloyd Daniels!" Funny, I'd heard that about Lloyd being Danyl's as well. #xfactor
8:16 PM Nov 21st from web

@helencairns I know. Apart from anything else it seems a bit implausible that there could be gayness that doesn't involve Joe.
8:25 PM Nov 21st from web in reply to helencairns

Stacey was a bit off tonight, no?
8:26 PM Nov 21st from web

I think Stacey's personality may have finally jumped the shark for me :( #xfactor
8:28 PM Nov 21st from web

OK, for once I sort-of chuckled at the rip-off competition question's comedy answer. "I'm loving Angel Delight." #xfactor
8:29 PM Nov 21st from web

So both Simon's acts are near the end of the show? Well that's fair. #xfactor
8:34 PM Nov 21st from web

Er, OK that was weird. And not in the way it's usually weird. #xfactor #jedward
8:38 PM Nov 21st from web

I like to think their names were written on the stage in case they forgot. #xfactor #jedward
8:41 PM Nov 21st from web

Oh wow turns out BISEXUAL GAY Danyl is also from a little village! (Reading.) #xfactor
8:43 PM Nov 21st from web

"Danyl's bold new arrangement" trans: "Don't bother with the actual notes in the song Danyl, just do any old shit." #xfactor
8:51 PM Nov 21st from web

Can we swap Olly for his mates? Would. #xfactor
8:55 PM Nov 21st from web

"I'm gonna be more current." To be fair the only way to be LESS current would be to sing Greensleeves. #xfactor
8:56 PM Nov 21st from web

Jesus! "I ain't Mr Right," you're not Mr Can Sing In Tune this week either, my poor ears! #xfactor
8:57 PM Nov 21st from web

Simon's theme this week is "making it different" i.e. they couldn't actually hit the original notes. Or the new ones, as it turns out.
9:01 PM Nov 21st from web

Not to be all Louis' rulebook, but why do songs GM did covers of count as GM songs? This should be for Sir Elton week. #xfactor
9:10 PM Nov 21st from web

Also, there's been a criminal lack of the Wham. #xfactor
9:10 PM Nov 21st from web

I want to cuddle Joe but he would have to keep his clothes on. This is rare for me. #xfactor
9:12 PM Nov 21st from web

@helencairns Louis also missed "I Can't Make You Love Me." So out of 6 songs in GM week, only 4 GM songs. No wonder he stayed at home.
9:14 PM Nov 21st from web in reply to helencairns

SuBo's coming home? You know she wasn't actually on your show, right Dermot? #xfactor
9:17 PM Nov 21st from web

I just noticed, Twitter have changed "What are you doing?" to "What's happening?" I quite like the old version...
9:22 PM Nov 21st from web

...I always imagined it with an eye-roll - "What ARE you doing?"
9:23 PM Nov 21st from web

MY POINT ISN'T FLIPPANT! Caller thinks she's on Question Time. #xfactor
9:32 PM Nov 21st from web

Lloyd always sleeping on the sofa is taking on sinister overtones in light of recent rumours. #xfactor
9:58 PM Nov 21st from web

And it looks like the group song tomorrow IS WMUBYGo-Go, which is fair enough #xfactor
10:01 PM Nov 21st from web

I bet #jedward go this week, which would be annoying, I want them to stay next week so we can watch them in the pub after coffee #xfactor
10:02 PM Nov 21st from web

Holly haven't you learned by now? Lloyd can only handle yes/no questions, and even then only just. #xfactor
10:04 PM Nov 21st from web

"Olly, I'm going to out you." Holly, that is really not the phrase to use with this particular group of people. #xfactor
10:14 PM Nov 21st from web

All night I dreamed that I kept getting diagnosed with terminal diseases, then got better. WTF?
11:16 AM Nov 22nd from web

Oh wow, some sunlight! This may be my one chance to leave the house today without drowning.
1:14 PM Nov 22nd from web

I know I haven't been to Totty Sunday for a while but has it been cancelled? It's a bloody WASTELAND here!
1:47 PM Nov 22nd from txt

Wait, did they get their lines wrong? I thought this bit was lip-synced? #xfactor
8:07 PM Nov 22nd from web

These new OXO families are shit, but at least they're keeping Lynda Bellingham out of a job.
8:20 PM Nov 22nd from web

SHE'S HAIRY! SHE'S SCARY! SHE'S MARIAH CAREY!
8:25 PM Nov 22nd from web

See, this woman is to blame for all the tossers on this show who just sing any old notes and get told they made the song their own #xfactor
8:29 PM Nov 22nd from web

Stacey & Joe - start with the most obvious ones. #xfactor
8:37 PM Nov 22nd from web

Ah well that's Jedward gone. To be honest, WORTH IT to see Olly deservedly in the Bottom 2 tralala. #xfactor
8:39 PM Nov 22nd from web

Although Dannii and Cheryl tactically voting out Olly would of course be hilariarse. And fair enough AFAIC. #xfactor
8:40 PM Nov 22nd from web

@aka_kelly Well true but Olly desperately needed his bubble burst (and he was shit last night) #xfactor
8:41 PM Nov 22nd from web in reply to aka_kelly

During the ad break, Simon is reminding the other judges he can fire them if they don't behave themselves. #xfactor
8:43 PM Nov 22nd from web

Aw, bless'em going out on a high (by singing different lyrics to each other, obvs) #xfactor
8:48 PM Nov 22nd from web

This song needs the suicidal horse from Big Train. #xfactor
8:51 PM Nov 22nd from web

Go on, Dannii, go to deadlock! (She won't)
8:52 PM Nov 22nd from web

@helencairns She still toyed with him like a cat with a mouse, which was nice.
8:56 PM Nov 22nd from web in reply to helencairns

"I think Danyl's gorgeous." I *KNEW* I didn't like that Paloma Faith! #xfactor
9:02 PM Nov 22nd from web

@coxyine17 Lloyd's sandwiched between Danyl and Olly, let's start a new vomit-inducing rumour!
9:40 PM Nov 22nd from web in reply to coxyine17

"What are the press going to write about now?" Ummmm, let me think... #xfactor
9:42 PM Nov 22nd from web

"What do you want to do now?" "Everything we want to do." Er, and that is..? #xfactor
9:55 PM Nov 22nd from web

Yet another personal trainer ill, yet another new trainer today. He was cute, albeit a bit gormless.
1:55 PM Nov 23rd from web

"Gorm" is one of those things entirely defined by its absence. What does a gormful person look like?
1:58 PM Nov 23rd from web

Halfway in and sadly Paradox is awful-awful, not Bonekickers-awful :(
9:31 PM Nov 24th from web

Step away from the nannas Myleene! Nannas like biscuits, not botox!
11:21 PM Nov 24th from web