vanessaw usually has a bowl of porridge at work, which she then leaves in the sink to soak. And then forgets about and goes home. So on Friday before going home I tried to wash it up for her. Unfortunately there was roughly as much porridge outside the bowl as there was inside it. Vanessa claims this is because it spilled over in the microwave, but I suspect she doesn't use a spoon and just dips her face in and goes "nom nom nom." So the gunk inside the bowl was all soft from being soaked, but the stuff on the outside was like cement. I tried to scratch some of it off with my thumbnail, and instead what I can only describe as a shard of porridge stabbed me under the nail. It even got lodged there and I had to bite off a bit of thumbnail to remove it.
Then yesterday I stabbed myself in the face with my toothbrush. It's not the first time I've done that - the removable bit of the electric toothbrush came off in my mouth, and the bit it clips onto is quite sharp, and I was brushing so quickly I managed to stab myself in the cheek. Luckily it wasn't too deep, it just looks like I cut myself shaving. Which of course is ridiculous - I cut myself brushing my teeth, that's much more normal.
Since these things come in threes, I'm now a bit nervous that I might decapitate myself with a pillow.