nick730 (nick730) wrote,

Chain of events

The mysterious chain of events that led to me accidentally stalking Joe Absolom in the supermarket tonight:

- On my way home from work, I often pop into Marks & Spencer to get sandwiches for my next couple of days' lunch at work. (I'd like to stress I don't choose M&S because I'm posh or nuffin', just because they do nice sandwiches and there's one on my walk home.) -->

--> I went into M&S on my way home tonight only to find they were completely out of sandwiches! I think the refrigeration might have failed and they had to take them off sale or something. -->

--> I figured I'd make a quick detour on my way home instead, go to Sainsbury's for my sandwiches and pick up some milk while I'm there. Which is what I did. -->

--> Seeing a little display of dried fruit packets by the sandwiches, I figured I'd get a bag of almonds, raisins and cranberries for tomorrow's fruit intake. I went straight for the aforementioned bag of fruit, having to reach around a young woman who was dithering over what to choose. -->

--> The young woman chose her fruit and I stepped aside so she could rejoin her boyfriend or husband, who'd walked on ahead and was checking the pre-cooked chicken fillets. I noted that boyfriend/husband had quite a nice bum. -->

--> Boyfriend/husband turned round to talk to girlfriend/wife, and I noticed that he was very cute. He looked quite a bit like Joe Absolom. Here is a photo of Joe Absolom for the benefit of Americans and other aliens. -->


--> Actually, he looked exactly like Joe Absolom. -->

--> Remembering that Joe Absolom lives locally, I made the huge leap of deduction that he actually was Joe Absolom. He's taller than I would have expected. -->

--> Realising that it probably looked like I was staring because I was star-struck or something (which I most certainly was not! No, I'm very comfortable around celebrities I'll have you know, as witnessed by the time when I almost tripped up Posh Spice but then didn't) I quickly looked away. -

And that is the strange cosmic chain of events. So, if you are Joe Absolom, please note that I was not staring at you because you used to be Matthew Rose in Eastenders who went to prison for a murder he didn't commit, but then got out and got sneaky revenge on Steve Owen who'd really done it, because staring for that reason would of course be tacky. No, it was the much more socially acceptable "ogling a stranger 'cause he's got a nice bum." Good, so long as we're clear. Oh and, the earring suits you by the way.
Tags: joe absolom

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