This week on Twitter I have been mostly chuckling at a fake Cheryl Cole (@CherylKerl) who tweets phonetically-spelt "gossip" from behind the scenes at X Factor
. And obviously tweeting my own X Factor
thoughts, although those have mostly been self-censored because of that story that nobody's supposed to know about, let alone mention. Yeah, that one.
Old man: If the changing room's half-empty but you still squeeze yourself in between me and another naked young guy, I'm making assumptions.
1:12 PM Nov 25th from web
And by assumptions I mean from now on you will be referred to as Mr Herbert from Family Guy.
1:13 PM Nov 25th from web#spooks
turning into American Beauty = a bit odd
9:04 PM Nov 25th from web
"I'll look after him." Coming from Ros these are the least reassuring words in the English language #spooks
9:09 PM Nov 25th from web
2 spies having secret affair. EVERYONE knows. Well done with the secrecy, spies! #spooks
9:20 PM Nov 25th from web
"Oleg, she means nothing to me, I only love you!" #spooks
is getting more slashtacular than Merlin.
9:32 PM Nov 25th from web
Can we have a "don't watch this when you're eating" warning before the man-vomiting-up-a-rat advert please?
11:05 PM Nov 25th from web
I really should make a move and go for a haircut...
9:45 AM Nov 26th from web
Haircut = trapped in a chair having to listen to TalkSport :( Still, THE HORROR's over for another month.
11:44 AM Nov 26th from txt
Caffè Nero Long Acre is SO gay today. I mean lots of couples, not that my own gayness is overpowering the shop.
6:47 PM Nov 26th from txt
Totty Friday: "I saw your bum a couple of hours ago in the changing room" edition.
2:33 PM Nov 27th from web
How could I forget? PT & I managed to break 2 (TWO) gym machines this morning. *weirdly proud*
7:10 PM Nov 27th from txt
I've had better evenings.
11:51 PM Nov 27th from web
Oh, Greenwich has new Xmas decorations this year! Maybe they realised they kept hanging the old ones upside-down.
10:08 PM Nov 28th from txt
Dear Dan, either open your mouth properly when you speak, or slow down, I can't understand a word you're saying #gossipgirl
10:45 AM Nov 29th from web
Totty Sunday: Sporty edition.
12:12 PM Nov 29th from txt
Seriously, am I getting another cold ALREADY? My throat's like razor blades :(
7:11 PM Nov 29th from web
"The final 5 sang their hearts out!" And I puked my guts out. I was in the pub, Olly was writhing, *vom* #xfactor
8:03 PM Nov 29th from web
Is it even possible to do a completely joyless version of "I Don't Feel Like Dancin'"? Apparently it is. #xfactor
8:09 PM Nov 29th from web
"There's only one woman in the flow." Bloody women, always talking about periods. #xfactor
8:29 PM Nov 29th from web
My bad-taste joke mojo is failing. There must be a Rihanna/Cheryl violence joke somewhere but I can't find it. #xfactor
8:41 PM Nov 29th from web
@helencairns "If you're missing your ex, Rihanna, maybe Cheryl can help recreate the magic."
8:46 PM Nov 29th from web in reply to helencairns
"Lloyd's got the full package," who told you that Cheryl, was it Da OH YOU KNOW WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS #xfactor
8:47 PM Nov 29th from web
"In no particular order" but the obvious two go first. #xfactor
8:50 PM Nov 29th from web
"Do you have a highlight?" "No." How many times, Dermot, don't expect Lloyd to say words! #xfactor
8:53 PM Nov 29th from web
Was I the only one thinking Lloyd was going to say his highlight was getting CENSORED up the CENSORED by CENSORED? #xfactor
8:57 PM Nov 29th from web
Go on, Xtra Factor callers. "Danyl, are you upset now Lloyd's gone you won't be able to WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES" #xfactor
9:36 PM Nov 29th from web
Holly would like to see Joe and lloyd have a fight. So would Danyl. Naked. In oil. #xfactor
9:38 PM Nov 29th from web
Ugh, get Marc Wooton off my telly! Three years at university with him was more than enough. #nativity
9:50 PM Nov 29th from web
Not that they're saying "Lloyd will have lots of girls after him" all the time to detract attention from anything. #xfactor
9:57 PM Nov 29th from web
RT @CherylKerl Ah neva gorra wink of sleep last neet cos LLoyd was baalin iz ize oot. He wanted inte wor bed but Ash wouldn't lerrim leik.
9:28 AM Nov 30th from web
Why am I getting ill again? I thought getting fitter was meant to improve my immune system, not knacker it.
9:41 AM Nov 30th from webHappy December everyone. 31 days left to the end of the decade, yeesh. #red
11:19 AM Dec 1st from web
Weird. For the first time in YEARS I felt über-Christmassy. While buying vitamins in Boots. #red
1:50 PM Dec 1st from txt
I'm hoping my feeling ill yesterday was a false alarm - feel much better now, just hope there isn't a relapse lurking #red
5:07 PM Dec 1st from web
I think we may have a winner for worst free "song" ever given away by iTunes as Single of the Week #red
5:47 PM Dec 1st from web
Last year's Xmas stamps were secular so there was a Jesus-y alternative. This year's are religious, where's my secular alternative? #red
6:49 PM Dec 1st from web