Well my volume of tweets should slow down a bit now, since The X Factor
ended on Sunday, with the totally unsurprising result of Joe winning. He was by far the best performer but it would have been quite funny to see Olly win and then FAIL spectacularly in the charts (The X Factor
can't really do male winners, can it? It doesn't bode well for ickle Joe, which is why I almost wish he hadn't won so he could just go straight to musical theatre which would clearly be his strongest option. And it's become clear why Cowell was so desperate to keep Joe in the closet - he seems to have an eye on a Disney deal for him.) Anyway, between reality TV and other ramblings, I reached 2000 (!) tweets this week!
Cool, my copy of Time Out is the Troughton cover! How did they know he's my favourite? #doctorwho
12:02 PM Dec 9th from web
My cat allergy's made my right eye flare up. Weird... It's usually the left.
4:25 PM Dec 9th from txt
Holy Ghost Zone? I think church rebranding just jumped the shark.
4:47 PM Dec 9th from txt
Sleb Spot: Peter Davison in Superdrug. Hours ago, but my phone battery was dead.
10:55 PM Dec 9th from web
Faint praise of the day - Doctor: "Well done! Lose another stone & you'll just be overweight, not obese!"
9:56 AM Dec 10th from txt
My usual personal trainer's back from sick leave. I'm worried he might have spent all his time off devising new torture methods
12:06 PM Dec 11th from web
A friendly shop assistant? What does she think this is, The Past?
1:36 PM Dec 11th from txt
"I don't want to sound pretentious." "Oh go on, give it a try." #beautifulpeople
10:43 PM Dec 11th from web
"You are one of the rudest people I've ever met. And I've backcombed Brian May." #beautifulpeople
10:48 PM Dec 11th from web
RT @CherylKerl Hei, Danii's tried te nobble uz. Shiz "accidentalee" tipped a pota jam aall ovah mei hor. Jus wait til L'Oreals heaz aboot it
12:29 PM Dec 12th from web
Totty Saturday: Last-minute DILF salvages an otherwise disappointing excursion.
2:07 PM Dec 12th from txt
I know it makes me sound old to complain about pubs where the music's too loud to talk over but... OK I'm old.
9:07 PM Dec 12th from txt
Sleb Spot: Him who was Mr Collins in Lost In Austen, at the homosexualist party I'm at.
9:29 PM Dec 12th from txt
There's a sprout in the urinal. It's like the title of an obscure episode of Talking Heads.
9:36 PM Dec 12th from txt
Just heard about #xfactor
10:50 PM Dec 12th from txt
Been waiting 35mins for a bus; one just went by, Sorry Not In Service. I blame Boris.
11:50 PM Dec 12th from txt
FFS - 2nd day in a row the 188 bus schedule has been drawn up by gibbons. I still blame Boris.
6:08 PM Dec 13th from txt
Simon thinks Joe is "special." ARE YAZ CALLIN US SPECIAL NEEDS LIKE? #xfactor
7:42 PM Dec 13th from web
"There could be an upset tonight." Not that Simon knows how the votes have gone in past weeks or anything. #xfactor
7:52 PM Dec 13th from web
RT @mrchrisaddison Ooh, Colchester's houses must all be empty. Let's go round and burgle some Swarovski swans. #xfactor
7:54 PM Dec 13th from web
"So if I win tonight will I be back next year to show off my global success?" "Er, let me get back to you on that." #xfactor
8:18 PM Dec 13th from web
Ouch. Why it's almost as if they didn't quite have Olly in mind when they chose this song. #xfactor
8:28 PM Dec 13th from web
The difference between the two of them is just embarassing. #xfactor
8:41 PM Dec 13th from web
I can see this being as massive a hit as all of George Michael's output this decade. #xfactor
8:54 PM Dec 13th from web
Meanwhile Simon's going "nope, still have no idea who this bloke is." #xfactor
9:06 PM Dec 13th from web
Now do the theme from Home & Away #xfactor
9:08 PM Dec 13th from web
RT @gracedent heather cleaned him out to the extent he's now colouring his own hair with Bisto.
9:09 PM Dec 13th from web
And I know they used to call the Beatles mop--tops but did Sir Paul have to take that so literally when choosing a wig? #xfactor
9:10 PM Dec 13th from web
Hundreds of thousands have joined in with brightdancing? I hope they've been punished appropriately. #xfactor
9:12 PM Dec 13th from web
So Cheryl wins two years in a row - oh wait it's not about the judges, DEFINITELY NOT #xfactor
9:19 PM Dec 13th from web
RT @CherylKerl SIMON COWELL! LADY DIANA! LOUIS WALSH! WINSTON CHURCHILL! DANII MINOGUE! Yor acts took one hell of a beating leik man pet!
9:24 PM Dec 13th from web
Aww, The Adedeji was so happy. Likki Roney looked happy too - well he and Joe used to share a room *nudge*wink*cough* #xfactor
9:27 PM Dec 13th from web
What, Olly, you were working in an office? OH IF ONLY YOU'D MENTIONED THAT BEFORE! #xfactor
9:29 PM Dec 13th from web
"What are you going to do now NotLouis?" "Well I think there may be one magazine left where I haven't got my arse out yet." #xfactor
9:32 PM Dec 13th from web
So Joe won't be doing musical theatre in 6 months. About 12 months then. OK, that's me done with #xfactor
10:07 PM Dec 13th from web
Unf hot changing-room blond, I almost forgive you for keeping your boxers on, the excitement might have been too much.
11:20 AM Dec 14th from txt
Bless, but it's not always easy to tell the difference between @joemcelderry91 and @JerMcEldree is it?
12:11 PM Dec 14th from web
@marctendo They'd already exceeded their "laughing at mentals" quota for the night with Paul McCartney's hair.
12:13 PM Dec 14th from web in reply to marctendo
Totty Monday? That's new. Fabulous arse in tight jeans edition.
1:22 PM Dec 14th from txt
Bloody hell, these office blocks by the O2 have gone up fast! Were they DEFINITELY here last week or are magic beans involved?
6:20 PM Dec 14th from txt
Unfortunately-phrased campaign: "Wake Up To Rape." Sounds like an ad for Rohypnol.
7:06 PM Dec 14th from txt
Sleb Spot: Lindsay Duncan, watching COCK at the Royal Court.
9:47 PM Dec 14th from txt
She was smiling so I guess Lindsay Duncan officially likes COCK.
9:48 PM Dec 14th from txt
Unlikely ad slogan of the day: "Nutricious... Delicious... Watercress makes a meal!"
12:56 PM Dec 15th from txt
2000th tweet! Where does the time go? Sunrise, sunset... sunrise, sunset....
6:58 PM Dec 15th from web
OK, so I see why people love Glee. The shower scene was in no way a factor. #glee
10:17 PM Dec 15th from web
Miranda Hart on We Need Answers now. I don't know if she'll be speaking directly to camera or not.
10:36 PM Dec 15th from web
I have 100+ followers, doesn't that mean it's time for Twitter to purge the spammers and take me down to about three again?
11:51 PM Dec 15th from web