I seem to go through different phases of what I use Twitter for: Sometimes it's, as I've sometimes described it, like a very slow chatrooom. At the moment I'm mostly using it via text to give a running commentary on my life. So this week for instance, as pretinama
's Civil Partnership was a bigger affair than Evil Alex's, I was able to be in the background JUDGING everything. Also this week: My most-retweeted tweet EVARZ so far. It involved me mocking someone in pain, but it's OK - the person in pain was Bono.
Why do I keep getting static shocks today? I'm pretty sure I didn't have a battery for breakfast.
12:41 PM May 19th via web
Why's it called a Buffalo Stance? Has a buffalo ever stood like that? I want answers, Neneh!
6:20 PM May 19th via txt
@helencairns Thanks - I knew what the pose was just not where it got its name. Slightly disappointed it's not connected to mozzarella.
11:12 PM May 19th via web in reply to helencairns
Despite the days of the week no longer meaning much to me, I still find it odd not having theatre to go to on a Thursday.
6:44 PM May 20th via web
I'm sweating like a paedo at a Bieber concert. (Look, just saying "it's quite warm today" is boring, OK?)
2:38 PM May 21st via web
Totty Friday: Aw, some gays. Bless.
3:33 PM May 21st via txt
I'm not reading anyone's tweets tonight. Not being rude, just been out so haven't seen Ashes to Ashes yet. So laterz.
11:25 PM May 21st via web
Caught up with Ashes to Ashes. *phew* they weren't in space.
1:58 PM May 22nd via web
Bono's surgery was to treat severe burns to his arse, caused by the sun shining out of it.
8:18 PM May 22nd via web
Oh, great. I've got a window seat with no actual window, just a wall. Good job I've got a book with me.
11:12 AM May 23rd via txt
5 minutes from the train station my arse. It took me at least 10 & I'm awesome. How long would it take a lesser mortal?
12:40 PM May 23rd via txt
Verdict on gay wedding #2
: Could Be Gayer.
2:05 PM May 23rd via txt
Although, I did wonder when the registrar said "they will now present their rings to each other."
2:06 PM May 23rd via txt
Well, at least Bedford's got lots of topless men. Now if only they were *attractive* topless men...
2:34 PM May 23rd via txt
Oh noes there's a child at this table, I shall stay silent. I don't really "do" U-rated conversation.
3:41 PM May 23rd via txt
I've decided Bedford's scary. It looks like a toy village but is roamed by gangs of feral youths. Mind you, that one there: Would.
6:01 PM May 23rd via txt
THIS is why I save up my Caffè Nero vouchers all winter: Iced mocha om nom nom.
6:09 PM May 24th via txt
Sleb Spot: Benedict Cumberbatch, in the shade of one of the giant armchairs at the National Theatre.
6:16 PM May 24th via txt
Pretty boys! Stop taunting me by standing right in front of me looking flirty, then having your girlfriends turn up!
7:22 PM May 24th via txt
History Boy Spot: Jamie Parker, sadly not with his cock out this time.
7:24 PM May 24th via txt
How fucking rude! Someone nicked my programme while I was in the loo!
8:51 PM May 24th via txt
I hope that woman IS pregnant, I let her skip the queue for the driers. I hope I'm not giving her preferential treatment for being fat.
11:39 AM May 25th via txt
You shouldn't be allowed preferential treatment AND cake.
11:41 AM May 25th via txt
Come to think of it, if she's pregnant, shouldn't the baby be in her tummy, not her arse?
11:42 AM May 25th via txt