nick730 (nick730) wrote,

Tweet and lowdown 23: Fatwa'd

I wasn't at home last night to slag off The Deep in real-time on Twitter, but The X Factor started on Saturday so this week's roundup features me ranting about that instead. (Don't worry, I didn't wade into the autotune debate - although I can hear the effect when I'm listening out for it, I'm too tone-deaf to easily notice it otherwise.)

Does it make me a cynic if I automatically assume a cheerful/friendly Tesco checkout man is somehow taking the piss?
11:46 AM Aug 18th via txt

Theatrical Spot: Ed Bennett, The Cut. Remains unfanciable IRL, oddly doable on stage.
6:46 PM Aug 18th via txt

I managed not to nap this afternoon, but is that why I've got a headache now?
7:23 PM Aug 18th via txt

Whoa, did that cute cyclist just wink at me? And if so, couldn't he have stopped & given me his number instead? Bastard!
8:58 PM Aug 18th via txt

Is it me or is it a lot hotter than it looks today?
4:07 PM Aug 20th via web

@nick00031 I was going to say I thought I was having a hot flush, but @helencairns would have had a go at me.
4:43 PM Aug 20th via web in reply to nick00031

Sleb Spot: Justin Long, Open Air Theatre. No Drew Barrymore though.
10:54 PM Aug 20th via txt

I done my first lowculture front page preview in *ages* today, by the way. It's a theatre one, telly being not-exactly-great at the moment.
11:11 AM Aug 21st via web

@cjgrinbergs Yeah I think Sherlock was the last thing I previewed. It's more that there's not been much LC-friendly TV, but that didn't fit.
11:22 AM Aug 21st via web in reply to cjgrinbergs

I did want to go to the gym this morning, but my legs informed me this would not be happening.
12:45 PM Aug 21st via web

Spider and Aimee Mann #unlikelycouples
6:48 PM Aug 21st via web

Rufus and Huckleberry Hound #unlikelycouples
6:52 PM Aug 21st via web

Stretch and Alexander Armstrong #unlikelycouples
6:55 PM Aug 21st via web

@helencairns I'm debating whether to actually watch the show or just read the tweets.
7:11 PM Aug 21st via web in reply to helencairns

"Simon, you're better than Jesus." I've never forgiven Jesus for putting Olly through last year, either. #xfactor
7:31 PM Aug 21st via web

Oh, are we still calling her Cheryl Cole then? #xfactor
7:35 PM Aug 21st via web

"No, sorry, we've already got one fat gay this year." #xfactor
7:47 PM Aug 21st via web

"...and I'm a full-time manager at Burger King" is my new favourite punchline. #xfactor
8:03 PM Aug 21st via web

Unfortunately when you don't have him up there being worse than here, she's not actually that good. #xfactor
8:08 PM Aug 21st via web

No, "Noir," you've got your translation wrong. "Orange" in French is still "Orange." #xfactor
8:13 PM Aug 21st via web

"We're not your average girl group." Well spotted, boy. #xfactor
8:20 PM Aug 21st via web

It's going to be 90% Gaga and Glee this year, 10% "everything else" isn't it? #xfactor
8:22 PM Aug 21st via web

I've had a vision of Madonna being Freddie Mercury and Etta James' lovechild, and it's blown my mind. #xfactor
8:34 PM Aug 21st via web

KatieMadonnaMercuryJames needs a "Madge"-like nickname. I suggest "Vadge." #xfactor
8:37 PM Aug 21st via web

Take that back about being a single mother! Sob stories are BANNED! #xfactor
8:46 PM Aug 21st via web

"Er, yeah, someone's looking after your 3-year-old. Probably." #xfactor
8:47 PM Aug 21st via web

The Heavy-Breathing Porno Factor #xfactor
8:49 PM Aug 21st via web

Screaming out "Mercy" is horribly appropriate, I know that's what I'm yelling. I'm not grunting quite so much though. #xfactor
8:50 PM Aug 21st via web

Coming up this year: "You can't sing, go away! I don't care if you were in the Spice Girls!" #xfactor
8:56 PM Aug 21st via web

"Jedward: Let Loose." Named after the band whose stellar success they hope to emulate. #xfactor
9:09 PM Aug 21st via web

Actually Konnie, I think it's unlikely that bloke will be going anywhere near the bush. #xfactor
9:38 PM Aug 21st via web

Woke up from a nap with the 2.4 Children theme tune in my head. What on earth was I dreaming?
5:58 PM Aug 22nd via web

@helencairns When I think about it I remember when the Pickard got his cock out on stage. So at least I'm consistent.
6:08 PM Aug 22nd via web in reply to helencairns

Trying to speak to my sister on phone while mum continues talking to her in a stream of consciousness in the background gives me a headache.
6:43 PM Aug 22nd via web

Son of Brian Cant's been getting a lot of TV work lately. Which is disconcerting as he looks so much like his dad I have to double-take.
9:37 PM Aug 22nd via web

Obviously it was a hilarious over-the-top double-take, with sound effects.
9:38 PM Aug 22nd via web

I rather like what @alistairgriffin's done with "All The Small Things"
1:27 PM Aug 23rd via web

@Poptastic I think he's trying for a "See? It doesn't HAVE to be shit" thing.
1:37 PM Aug 23rd via web in reply to Poptastic

Got a scene-and-a-half written today; starting to see light at the end of the 2nd draft.
2:49 PM Aug 23rd via web

I fear for Fiona Mountford at the Standard - she gave a show at The Cock a bad review. Will she get fatwa'd?
7:14 PM Aug 23rd via txt

Three times in one short bus ride I gave up my space to bints with prams. Did I get thanked once? Did I arse.
11:33 AM Aug 24th via txt

Why is Keith Harris trending? Is he dead, or is that what Samantha's calling the baby?
4:23 PM Aug 24th via web

Well it sounds like tonight's cast aren't holding back on the vocal warmup.
7:13 PM Aug 24th via txt

Cyrano de Bergerac review:
11:56 PM Aug 24th via web

Of course, to British people, Bergerac will always be John Nettles </alanpartridge>
11:57 PM Aug 24th via web
Tags: the x factor, twitter

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