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So anyway,
Because what the Net really needs is another person sharing his uninformed views
Tweet and lowdown 34: Like an aroused sea lion 
10th-Nov-2010 11:31 am
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I reached my 4000th tweet this week, a milestone that Twitter itself celebrated in a rather dubious manner, by resetting my post count to zero. At least it didn't actually make all those earlier tweets disappear, as it's sometimes been known to, so I can still do my weekly roundup. Which this time largely consists of me complaining about having a cold. And in between episodes of X Factor I rewatched the spoof Britain's Got The Pop Factor - as suspected, it still wasn't quite as bizarre as the real thing.

Yay, I've somehow got rid of #newtwitter and it's let me back on - I've had a blank screen since Tuesday night!
10:54 PM Nov 3rd via web

*phew* managed to drag my carcass out of bed and to the gym today, I was starting to worry my lethargy was becoming permanent.
10:59 AM Nov 4th via web

Sleb Spot by Proxy: My sister nearly bumping into Jedward at Heathrow. No word on whether Customs were bullying them.
12:23 PM Nov 4th via txt

Nearly an hour after the play ended, my bus turns up. THANKS BORIS! Cunt.
10:22 PM Nov 4th via txt

Ugh, got a stinking cold. Off to stock up on Vitamin C etc.
9:09 AM Nov 5th via txt

Funny how quickly the day goes past if all you do is sleep and drink hot lemon and honey.
4:31 PM Nov 6th via web

"Can you believe we're down to the final 10 already?" Given we were meant to be there 2 weeks ago, yes I can. #xfactor
7:44 PM Nov 6th via web

"I've done dumps." Having functioning bowels is nothing to brag about on national telly, Mary. #xfactor
7:59 PM Nov 6th via web

By the way Dannii, what are you wearing? Halloween was last week. #xfactor
8:04 PM Nov 6th via web

"People should judge on your vocal ability, not what's been in the papers." At least the stories in the papers actually exist Louis #xfactor
8:16 PM Nov 6th via web

"Your performance stood out." It did actually, she hit some of the right notes. #xfactor
8:40 PM Nov 6th via web

I don't generally hate Louis, but his refusal to say Wagner's name properly redefines cuntishness. #xfactor
8:48 PM Nov 6th via web

"I want Wagner's fans to pick up their phones NOW!" The lines aren't open yet. So that sounds about right. #xfactor
8:54 PM Nov 6th via web

Matt's had a number of jobs, and he couldn't be arsed to do any of them. #xfactor
8:56 PM Nov 6th via web

Come on TreyC, try and be awesome again, I'm sure you can manage it. #xfactor
9:08 PM Nov 6th via web

TreyC wearing a maternity frock, doing a few bum notes in a song that's been done to death. Still best one tonight, mind.
9:11 PM Nov 6th via web

Extra ad break before Wand Erection come on, just in case it wasn't obvious enough yet that they're The Chosen Ones. #xfactor
9:14 PM Nov 6th via web

I'll say it again, if Peter Kay wants to be an M&S Harpy he could at least do it as Geraldine #adsofthexfactor
9:17 PM Nov 6th via web

What parallel universe is this where The Blond One is allowed to do lead vocals? #xfactor
9:22 PM Nov 6th via web

"You remind me of Westlife, Take That, Boyzone." Boyband reminds Louise of boybands. #xfactor
9:23 PM Nov 6th via web

Still, I guess it's better than "Zayn, you remind me of a young Osama Bin Laden." #xfactor
9:24 PM Nov 6th via web

I'd say the recap clips are deliberately picking the out-of-tune bits, but what else is there? #xfactor
9:28 PM Nov 6th via web

I might watch Britain's Got The Pop Factor. Haven't watched it in ages, I want to see how far the real thing's overtaken it in insanity.
5:14 PM Nov 7th via web

"Jetskiing over Niagara Falls, isn't that dangerous?" "Yeah we know that... now." #popfactor
5:40 PM Nov 7th via web

@thesloppydog It was 10 minutes before the first ad break though. The X Factor would have squeezed at least two in by then.
5:43 PM Nov 7th via web in reply to thesloppydog

Geraldine has NO CONFIDENCE! #popfactor
5:52 PM Nov 7th via web

Free Nelson Mandela -> Umbrella -> C'est La Vie still makes more sense than any of Wagner's "medleys." #popfactor
6:00 PM Nov 7th via web

"13p from every call goes to our performing arts academy for crippled pole-dancers." #popfactor
6:21 PM Nov 7th via web

"I've lost so much in finding myself. My friends. My family. My penis." #popfactor
7:10 PM Nov 7th via web

Well done Dermot, couldn't even get through your first sentence without fucking up. #xfactor
8:00 PM Nov 7th via web

"We are almost halfway." Almost. Only bloody ALMOST. #xfactor
8:02 PM Nov 7th via web

"Wand Erection are getting better and better and better." As if there was another way they could possibly go. #xfactor
8:13 PM Nov 7th via web

I never saw the series Shane Ward was in, so I wasn't previously aware he owned clothes. #xfactor
8:15 PM Nov 7th via web

Yay it's PacMan! Oh and look Kylie's there too. #xfactor
8:29 PM Nov 7th via web

Dermot grunting like an aroused sea lion. I think he might like Kylie a bit. #xfactor
8:30 PM Nov 7th via web

At least 2 out of 3 ads are Christmassy ones now. *sigh*
8:34 PM Nov 7th via web

That's TreyC gone then. "She's been bottom 2 once before, she has to go." "But Hatey's been there twice." "LALALACAN'THEARYOU!" #xfactor
8:40 PM Nov 7th via web

*bounces up and down about Harry Potter trailer because he is A CHILD!*
8:43 PM Nov 7th via web

If Nom yoghurt turns out to taste anything less than amazing, I'm calling Trade Descriptions.
8:46 PM Nov 7th via web

"Please don't give up on me." We gave up on you months ago, TAKE THE HINT! #xfactor
8:48 PM Nov 7th via web

4000 Tweets! I suspect this milestone may get slightly lost, considering.
8:49 PM Nov 7th via web

Hatey throws toys out of pram and has onstage nervous breakdown, and I'm still not convinced the judges won't save her. #xfactor
8:51 PM Nov 7th via web

Well, that result is in no way going to be controversial. #xfactor
8:56 PM Nov 7th via web

Next time you want to ask me why I don't vote on #xfactor I shall point out how much respect this show has for the mugs who give them money
9:00 PM Nov 7th via web

"Here are the rules of the votes you're paying us to register. Unless we don't like your decision and change them." #xfactor
9:02 PM Nov 7th via web

I preferred Take That before Fat Bob came back. SO THERE.
9:38 PM Nov 7th via web

@kerrymctweety If Shane from Boyzone announces something on Daybreak and nobody's watching, does he make a sound?
8:59 AM Nov 8th via web in reply to kerrymctweety

@RadShef If you don't sit on the floor during the Wall round and say "You know what? Sod it" then it's just not showbiz enough.
12:32 PM Nov 8th via web in reply to RadShef

Right, gotta go offline for a bit so everyone remember to watch #onlyconnect and cheer on Team lowculture tonight ;)
5:02 PM Nov 8th via web

History Boy Spot: Sam Barnett, Sloane Sq tube.
9:13 PM Nov 8th via txt

Hard luck @radshef @chrisrubery @stevenperkins and well done for getting as far as you did (and solving another wall!) #onlyconnect
10:39 PM Nov 8th via web

@RadShef Oh and well done for finally getting a reference to the website past the editors!
11:35 PM Nov 8th via web in reply to RadShef

My cold's reached the "blown my nose so many times I'm getting nosebleeds" stage. Joy.
2:28 PM Nov 9th via web

@nick00031 Are the cute camboy and your need for a bath in any way related?
11:15 PM Nov 9th via web in reply to nick00031
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