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So anyway,
Because what the Net really needs is another person sharing his uninformed views
9th-Jun-2011 12:37 pm
Previously on The Apprentice: Lots and lots (and lots) of doggy puns to recap the pet food task, in which Spivvy's team followed their "master" before he and Ellie went "walkies." This week on The Apprentice: We'll be visiting Smuggler's Way and Cringle Dock, to discover the surprising fact that all rubbish dumps are named by Enid Blyton. But first someone needs to answer the phone, and it's Edna scoring a point this week, before getting excited about the possibility of working with manly builders, and saying she needs a cold shower. Little does she know how much she'll need a shower afterwards as well. For they shall be collecting rubbish and sifting through it to see if they can find anything worth selling on. Glamorous! Each team will get a One-Ton-Tipper, which I thought was a character from Cats. Helen moves to Logic to become PM, and Karren will be following them so with two separate curses in play can this possibly go their way? Well, let's see how Venture's doing, where Glenn and Leon both having admitted they've had experience doing this, Zoe announces herself as PM.

And they're off out looking for business; the director points Glenn in the direction of some man who would be totally good to pitch a waste management business to, no he's not a plant, honest *snigger.* Glenn pitches how he can do some waste management for this man, what business is he in by the way? Oh, waste management. LULZ! This happens so frequently on The Apprentice it just has to be a genuine coincidence! Anyway, back on Logic, this week The Actor Michael Sheen's piece of wisdom is that they should focus on getting scrap metal as they can get lots of money for it. For once, people sort of listen to him, although how exactly this is translated into any kind of strategy is not clear - as far as I can tell the plan is for The Actor Michael Sheen and Jim to try and steal someone's barbecue. Jim's expression is now permanently stuck on "slack-jawed" by the way, his mouth-breathing is irritating the hell out of me. LdAlan has "laid on" a couple of businesses with some spare rubbish to get rid of - Logic pitch first and come up with the idea of offering to do it for free, hoping the metal and wood in one, and the almost-new office furniture in the other will fetch enough resale to make up for it. Of course they win both pitches, although on the way out there's a big management-speak bitchfight in which Melody has got on a train with a horse, and Natasha is eating a plateful of blame. Venture meanwhile have pitched about £100 but it makes no difference, however cheap they'd gone they'd have been beaten by the free service on the other team. Susan, meanwhile, has absolutely no idea what the task actually is, and when they're trying to work out how much to charge for waste removal is under the impression that they're meant to be paying to collect it. In the boardroom later, Nick bizarrely turns this into Susan being right and the others wrong, but he just seems to have a boner for Susan. To be clear, if Susan got anything right in this conversation, it was purely by accident, as at this point she hasn't actually figured out what the task is. She says she feels like the biggest idiot in the world. Well that's a bit harsh Susie, I wouldn't say the biggest idiot. Top ten, maybe.

Back at the house with Venture having missed out on both commissions, Zoe feels like a failure and is crying when "the boys" come back all cheerful like. Glenn tries to comfort her by assuring her they'll "smash it" (ah, welcome back, it's been at least five minutes since someone used that phrase) tomorrow. I think this may be the point where Glenn allegedly slipped Zoe an extra bit of comfort in private ifyaknowwhaddimean. Ugh, imagine having to put up with her godawful droning voice during The Sex. Rather you than me, Glenn. And rather me than her but that's a whole different story.

Day 2 and as well as Logic's two big jobs which they just about find time to do, there's extra ones for both teams - most notably collecting waste from a builder's front garden. Notable first because of how Jim's haggling once again reaches obnoxious levels; and secondly when the builder then promptly rips them off ON NATIONAL TELEVISION by agreeing to a price, then doubling the amount of crap for them to pick up as soon as their backs are turned. On Venture Edna, Queen of the Bins, decides she is needed and thus fails to renegotiate the price for picking up a surprisingly posh plumber's junk. By the end of the day Melody feels all dirty, and she likes it. Mm-hmm.

Boardroom! LdAlan says this task reminds him of his own business. Indeed, I too thought of the Amstrad Emailer when I heard they'd be trying to sell rubbish. Venture made £706, Logic £712 - yes, it may only be by six quid but neither the Curse of Logic nor the Karren of Doom were strong enough to defeat Helen's Unbroken Winning Streak of Awesome. Surely she's a contender this year eh? Well, let's not forget, this time last week Helen's Unbroken Winning Streak of Awesome was also Edna's Unbroken Winning Streak of Awesome, so things change. This also means The Actor Michael Sheen's Unbroken Losing Streak of NotAwesome has finally come to an end, so he gets to go to a spa and wash off the smell of rotten veg. Which is a harsh nickname for Natasha, but then I'm a harsh person.

At Loser Cafe, Susan thinks she was the brains of the operation. AHAHAHAHAHA! Back in the boardroom, Edna starts piggybacking on other people's ideas, it gets picked up on, so it's not that surprising when she and Susan get brought back into the firing line by Zoe. She continues to shoot herself in the foot by banging on about her MBA. Oh Edna, LdAlan never had no bladdy education and he's not impressed by people what did. Edna thinks she's versatile - oh Edna, I remember the terrifying speech with the gloves, I refuse to believe you're anything other than dom. LdAlan fire-teases both Zoe and Susan but no, it's Edna who has to go (and says thank you.) In the waiting room Zoe clomps her way over to say goodbye, while on their way back to the house Susan continues to bitch and whine at her incomprehensibly, as is her wont.

In the cab home, Edna tells us she shouldn't have been fired because she's got three degrees. Well so did Sheila Ferguson, it doesn't mean she should be the Apprentice. Farewell Edna, you were too fabulous for this show. And, more importantly, too mental. I mean seriously batshit insane.
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