There's a mysterious conspiracy at the heart of the Royal Family, a conspiracy of silence that goes to the very top and has everyone baffled. And I don't mean the inexplicable mystery of how a car being driven very fast at night by a drunk driver might have somehow crashed. No, what I want to know is, have all the UK's newspaper editors got together in secret, rolled up one trouser leg and sworn to pretend they haven't noticed Prince William's hair plugs?
I'm not saying the plugs have been badly done, on the contrary if you weren't looking for the join you wouldn't see it, and like Will Young he's had the sense to get it done early. But this guy gets his photo taken a lot, so you'd have to have a pretty short memory not to notice that his hairline is now a couple of inches further forward than it was two years ago. That's the thing about receding hairlines, they only really go in one direction. I don't have any problem with people who've got the cash using it to turn back time like this - I'm lucky to be well into my thirties with no sign of hair loss touch wood, but if it was falling out I'd probably want to try any way possible of reversing the process. But it's just funny that, because he'll probably be King some day, everyone's pretending they haven't spotted it. It's OK, it's the noughties - men are allowed to actually do all they can to look good.
Right, that's quite enough precious time wasted on royalty who need surgery to look good. There's much more important things we could be looking at.